On Saturday, two men matching the description of escaped prisoners Richard Matt and David Sweat were seen in the Allegany County town of Friendship, near New York’s border with Pennsylvania, the Guardian reports.

According to the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, the Islamic State have planted land-mines and explosives around the ancient Roman city of Palmyra, which was captured in May.

“In 2013, the Australian police made their largest methamphetamine seizure ever, 1,300 pounds discovered in a shipping container from China... Since then, Australian authorities have found meth in Chinese shipments of garden hoses, handbags, lamps, aquarium pebbles, metal shafts, kayaks and 70 porcelain toilets.”

On the morning of the Father of the Year Awards Luncheon, I ran out of bread enough to even make cinnamon toast for my children, and I ended up serving them some Chocolate Chex and the last apple in the house. Not that I was going there to win Father of the Year. I was merely going to watch.

On Wednesday night, after killing nine people in the Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, Dylann Roof allegedly put his gun to his head and pulled the trigger. The gun, however, was empty.

On Saturday, at California’s Huntington Beach, 66 extremely small people packed onto a normal-sized surfboard, setting the record for most people to ever ride a single surfboard simultaneously. Haha, no, just kidding—66 normal-sized people packed onto an oversized surfboard, which is bullshit, if you ask me.

As she strikes an increasingly populist pose ahead of the 2016 Democratic primaries, Hillary Clinton may have to forego a Hamptons house this summer, the New York Times reports. Houses on the Hamptons rent for hundreds of thousands of dollars a month: the “optics,” as they say, are not great.

New Orleans police have apprehended 33-year-old Travis Boys, accused of fatally shooting Daryle Holloway, a 22-year NOPD veteran, while being transported in the back of Holloway’s squad car.

On Thursday morning, during a radio appearance on Hot 97’s “Ebro in the Morning” show, hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons called Mayor Bill de Blasio a “punk,” and also a “bitch,” over his perceived deference to Governor Andrew Cuomo and Commissioner Bill Bratton.

“The makers of Tic Tacs had a problem on their hands. After 18 months of internal study, they had concluded that the all-important millennial generation might not be content with a mere mint. No, the millennials wanted entertainment, release from boredom, ‘emotional rescue.’” Rescue us from emotions, Tic Tacs.

National Rifle Association board member Charles Cotton blamed Clementa Pinckney, a state senator and pastor at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church, for his own death and for the death of his parishioners in Charleston this week, Thinkprogress reports.

On Friday, LAPD officers shot a man who had raised his arm, wrapped in a towel, towards them, the Los Angeles Times reports. Police said the officers thought he had a gun; he did not.

In addition to two thousand words of contradictory—and, yet, all-too-familiar—racist extemporizing, the website LastRhodesian.com, registered under Dylan Storm Roof’s name, also contains a series of photographs of the Charleston shooter.

I never have had to doubt my parents’ love, not even when I had to explain to them what I meant when I said, “I’m queer.” In my days at home, my parents were the type to be at every event; my mother was given the “Team Spirit” award on my tennis team during my senior year of high school. My first girlfriend had called me “Angel Baby” because of the way my mother’s eyes lit up when she saw me for the first time in weeks or months. I knew being gay would be ok. It wouldn’t threaten my mother’s love.

“SeekingArrangement’s CEO, Brandon Wade, says that the best way to get a bigger allowance is to land a married daddy—he points out that 40 percent of the site’s male members have a wife.” This is good to know!

Alejandro Rhett is out as vice president of men’s merchandising at J. Crew, Fashion Week Daily reports. Last week, it emerged that Rhett had gloated on Instagram about surviving an earlier round of firings (in which he participated!).

Via Twitter users @HenryKrinkle and @EMQuangel, here is what appears to be Charleston shooter Dylann Roof’s racist manifesto. “The event that truly awakened me was the Trayvon Martin case,” the author of this document writes. “I can say today that I am completely racially aware.”

A corrections officer at Clinton Correctional Facility has been put on administrative leave in connection with an investigation into the escape two weeks ago of inmates Richard Matt and David Sweat, the New York Times reports.

The family of accused Charleston shooter Dylann Roof released a statement this afternoon. “We are devastated and saddened by what occurred,” the statement reads. “We offer our prayers and sympathy for all of those impacted by these events.”

An all-out search and rescue effort has thus far failed to yield any sign of former White House chef Walter Scheib, who apparently went missing a week ago.