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A stormy winter has taken a toll on beaches in the Hamptons, and repair crews have worked non-stop rebuilding dunes and constructing sea walls. But this endangered bird's nesting season starts soon and crews have only until Friday to finish.

None of the agency's 28 known masturbators have been fired for looking at kiddie porn on the job, says the SEC's inspector general. But don't worry, Senator Chuck Grassley cares all of a sudden and is looking into it. [WP]

So you want to protest Arizona's stupid new immigration law by boycotting the state, like San Francisco did. Okay. Can you live without Sky Mall, P.F. Chang's, domain-name registration and internet pornography?

Texas Governor Rick Perry, who is totally a nice guy who we definitely don't want to insult, at all, carries a .380 Ruger with him when he jogs, because he is afraid of snakes. On Tuesday, he killed a coyote.

[The Queen hit up Cymru Arena in Llandudno, Wales on Tuesday as part of a visit to North Wales. Pic via Getty]

Yesterday, Senator Carl Levin said "shitty deal" twelve times on TV. Last month, Joe Biden said "big fucking deal" to the President. So many curses! When do you use which? And will I go to hell for saying "fuck"?

Interested in being Donatella Versace's intern for a semester? For a mere $20,000, the job can be yours. And she'll even throw in a t-shirt and a bottle of perfume.

A group of evangelicals found some 4,800-year-old wood on top of Mount Ararat. They are "99.9 pecent" sure that it's Noah's ark. This is totally real, which is why it's on the front page of Fox News' "SciTech" section.

Craft beer pioneer Anchor Brewing Co. has been sold to the owners of Skyy Vodka.

The Times snagged a copy of Laura Bush's memoir Spoken from the Heart a week before its release, and they've got the goods: Possible presidential poisoning! Peeved political potshots! And details on her fatal, "mysterious" high-school car accident.

Heidi Montag made headlines and drew criticism months ago when she underwent massive plastic surgery that severely altered her appearance. Tonight's premiere of the final season of The Hills saw Heidi coming home for the first time since her transformation.

Everyone knows the only thing people do with their cell phones is take weird sex pictures. When moms saw a man lurking around San Francisco's Mountain Lake Park apparently taking cell phone pics of their kids, they leaped into action.

This Gulf of Mexico oil slick business is becoming more and more like a Mission: Impossible movie. Robots failed to halt the leak. Now the Coast Guard is considering setting the thing on fire. Did you guys try lasers? [CNN]

Tonight on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart made fun of today's Goldman Sachs hearings on Capitol Hill by taking shots at both the senators who questioned the company's executives and the Goldman employees in the hot seat. Video inside.

A while back we alerted you to a study that the Daily Mail reported suggested turning on the light during a late-night trip to the bathroom causes cancer. Turns out, unsurprisingly, that this is complete bullshit! The Guardian today points out today that this has been debunked in a number of places on the Internet. The study's authors told AOL Health that:

Earlier today, Gawker.TV discussed exactly why Glee hasn't impressed us since it returned from its mid-season hiatus. Tonight's episode, with it's after-school special air of self-acceptance, was worth little more than the airtime given to Jane Lynch.

Today was Goldman Sachs' big day in front of the Senate Subcommittee on Investigations—The C.S.I. of Senate subcommittees. From Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankfein, we've compiled an illustrated guide on how to comport yourself at your next Senate hearing.

As of May 1st, Conan can be on TV. This weekend he'll be interviewed on CBS' 60 Minutes. Steve Kroft will ask him dozens of questions about what it's like working with the masturbating bear. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Never a man of subtlety, Katt Williams flagrantly displays his like for white people. Because they're really useful for getting you out of jail.