The Australian government announced plans today to ban all shiny branding and logos on cigarette packs—it'll just be the brand name, and a big ol' photo of a diseased lung. Eh, they all taste like diseased lungs anyhow. [SMH]

The 700 Club's pious pundits, ever appreciative of cultural diversity, sound off on Karma, almost approaching accuracy in their definition before claiming it as warped Christianity. Who cares if Hinduism developed thousands of years before Jesus' mythical birth. History, schmistory!

Tonight on The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert profiled a "difference maker" who flips the bird at cops every time he sees them. Colbert then pointed out what the man has in common with some of America's other greatest assholes.

Tonight on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart gave his take regarding Gizmodo's iPhone exclusive and the subsequent police raid on Jason Chen's home. Speaking directly to Apple and Steve Jobs, Stewart didn't hold back his criticism of them.

The trippy history of Levi's commercials has been noted here before, but this ad melds their hallucinogenic influences with a sense of existentialist despair. What is man without colorful Dacron polyester? Absolutely nothing: only denim determines identity.

Arise from your stupor, Americans: it's a list of the Top 25 Psychiatric Meds of 2009! Are you feeling depressed, anxious, and panicked? Join the club. You're probably snoozy and suffering certain sexual side effects, too.

We thought the aural crimes of Countess LuAnn's single were bad enough, but now she says she's always singing at dinner and at concerts at her kids' school. There's no auto-tune in real life. Think of the children, Crackerjacks!

The National Milk Producers Federation is saying that milk should only be called "milk" when it is from a lactating mammal. Rosanna Scotto's suggestion of "soy jizzum" shows us she has a very dirty mind early in the morning...

Ali Wise, the ex-Dolce & Gabbana publicist charged last year with computer trespass and eavesdropping, will plead guilty in Manhattan Supreme Court today. The New York Post reports Wise will probably get community service and probation. [NYP]

The government has subpoenaed New York Times reporter James Risen, asking him to reveal the secret sources he used in his book about the Bush Administration and the CIA. Meaning James Risen could be the next Judy Miller.

Here is a video of an old man named Regis Philbin walking around midtown Manhattan in a dress. Take it as an opportunity to discuss the heterosexism of men in drag or just marvel at his pretty wig. Either way.

We present following clip to you, not because we enjoyed it, but because we were left thinking "WTF." Click to watch Terry Bradshaw hop out of Jay Leno's oversized Birthday Cake in nothing more than his boxers if you dare!

Remember everyone's favorite anti-Islam pickup truck that was also maybe racist? Well the Virginian driver of the beautiful vehicle is now speaking out and telling the world that he is no racist. Update: But his Facebook is!

Weighing in at 50 lbs, and 4'3'' from nose to tail, Sir King Darius is the largest bunny in the world. He might look friendly, but if movies have taught us anything, it might mean the end of the world.

Diet. Exercise. Why are healthy things usually so awful? Here are some longevity tips that won't make you cry, including: do it.

No, aliens still can't run for president (unless they're named Barack Nobama!!). She's just playing a very famous one in a TV miniseries. Also today: exciting casting news about exciting actors, salary disputes, and Hollywood tragedies.

In honor of Broadway Week on Regis and Kelly, Kelsey Grammer and the cast of La Cage Aux Folles helped Regis unleash his inner diva. In full drag regalia, Regis took to the streets to flaunt his "attitude and accessories."

True story: just last week, we wished upon a star that Meme Roth, terribly entertaining psycho anti-fat Food Nazi Mom, would do something new, just so we could resurrect her here. Last night she was on teevee, angry about food!

Nothing like a hidden sausage to hit the spot. This celebrity is keeping her checkered past mysterious. This young-looking actor has a DL coke problem. This socialite is broadcasting trysts with her surreptitious younger lover. Secrets don't make friends!

Cats falling, cats batting babies, cats hitting, cats jumping on dogs. and more.