This ferret wants to play guitar, but it's so much easier just to climb into it.

The US Department in charge of offshore oil drilling has canceled its annual celebration of the sterling work companies like BP — responsible for the rig that blew up — do in keeping oil rigs safe. Probably wise. [LAT]

Worry not, hispanic-looking people of Arizona. Your lawmakers may have passed a law that forces police to stop you and demand your papers. But Linda Ronstadt, Ricky Martin and Shakira are on your side. [AP]

On last night's Report, we began with a special Rube Goldberg contraption built specifically for the show by the band OK Go. If only every guest would do this, the world would be a better place.

Today we have that wonderful parenting couple who can't decide between breast feeding and breast augmenting, another famous couple who secretly hate one another, and a not at all sober, not at all celibate actor.

She violated her DUI probation, but her lawyer says she'll be fine. And check out these gory photos she took. Kardashian says she doesn't smell like a burrito. Clooney didn't know he was harboring an arsenal of explosives. TGIFriday gossip.

[The shorts-wearing actress in New York yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

On the Today Show this morning, Meredith Vieira played a video game designed to show the dangers of driving while distracted. Among those dangers: cursing on air. Video inside.

Still fuming over the sneaky tanning salon tax, Rep. John Boehner says that after the GOP sweeps the November midterm elections, they will repeal America's oppressive health care law and replace it with some conservative "common sense." [NPR]

Yesterday, in a vote of 31-20, state lawmakers passed the bill that now must be signed by the governor, who has been noncommittal on the issue. Republican Rep. Barbara Marumoto, who voted in favor of the bill (!) told the Honolulu Star Bulletin: "I don't believe our society will come crashing down if we pass this bill." [HSB]

It would be nice to know your chances of getting cancer, diabetes, or heart disease later in life, right? Soon, for around $1,000, you can, with your very own genome test. Sounds like fun!

Oh, Arizona. First this, then this, and now this: The state is cracking down on school teachers with accents in an effort to secure Anglo dominance in the southwest, because Arizona is a state where we speak English, okay?

A new documentary about Bali's legendary beach gigolos, Cowboys in Paradise, led to a crackdown on the sex trade and the arrests of 28 "tanned and muscular men" this week. Lonely, sunburned European women with vacation braids are totally devastated.

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is on the Twitter! And because "the internet can't be just for the bourgeoisie," he's invited Bolivian President Evo Morales and Fidel Castro. A specter is haunting Latin America—the specter of Twitter! [Yahoo]

Philip K. Dick's insane ramblings, heavily edited by Jonathan Lethem, will be released next year.

[Leslie Buck, the designer of the iconic Anthora coffee cup, died on Monday. His simple graphic became as potent a New York icon as Milton Glaser's "I Love New York" or the "Law & Order sound." Image via dblue's Flickr]

Jackie Ostermiller of Rexburg, Idaho, thought her cat loved her. But the cat had other plans—murderous plans. Luckily for all of us, the KIDK CBS 3 local news team was there get Jackie's story. And film the aftermath.

A man injured five kindergartners with an iron hammer before grabbing two of the children and setting himself on fire—the third attack on a Chinese school in as many days. What the hell is going on?

Is nothing sacred? The Danish KFC website was the subject of a Thursday night attack by Muslim hackers, who replaced the site's index file with exhortations to respect Islam, an educational YouTube video, and, uh, winking emoticons.