As the weeded citizenry hoped, the DC City Council yesterday legalized medical marijuana in the District. Let chiefas ring, from Hobart Street to Georgetown! Alas—across the country, the weedheads of Los Angeles were simultaneously receiving terrible news.

Never seen a hamster go through an obstacle course? You have now.

In honor of Cinco De Mayo, and shitty new Arizona immigration laws, here's a just-released trailer for Machete, Robert Rodriguez's gory grindhouse pastiche about people who "fucked with the wrong Mexican." Probably NSFW, definitely fun. And eerily timely.

For him, DL means "deluded lad." For this couple it means "didn't last" like their crumbling relationship. For this starlet it means "drunk lady" as someone set a trap to get her wasted and use the photos against her.

[Jennifer Aniston and Nicole Kidman film their Adam Sandler movie somewhere only they know; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Procter & Gamble is absolutely thrilled about this massive oil spill, because the free PR they get for cleaning off oily animals with Dawn™ brand soap is priceless. For the rest of us, bad news: it's worse than you thought.

So, how did Gawker.TV fare in social networks this week? We're up to 1356 Facebook Fans (up 1.42%), 3576 Twitter Followers (up 8.43% and 1433 Tumblr Followers (up 4.52%)

Pirates have seized a tanker with $52 million in oil. A warship's headed their way.

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

Greece: Still totally going off. Banks are burning, molotov cocktails are being hurled at police, and riots are spreading throughout the country over tax hikes and wage freezes. [BBC]

Steve Consalvi, the 17-year-old Phillies fan who was gently electrocuted by a Philadelphia cop for running onto the field during a baseball game, has been charged in juvenile court with defiant trespassing, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. [NYP, pic via]

Pakistan's tribal areas — The Times Square firecracker bomber allegedly trained there, various Taliban factions and Al Qaeda operate there, and guess what? We're at war there, using flying robots! Here's a quick guide to America's South Asia Robot War.

The angry geriatric group is fighting the perception that its members are racists. Of course left-wingers are to blame for this smear campaign, and the Tea Party is going to prove it. One defense? We have black friends, too!

The city councils of Flagstaff and Tucson voted yesterday to sue the state over its new immigration law, worried that tourism will drop and costs for law enforcement will skyrocket. The mayor of Phoenix failed at a similar attempt. [AP]

Could there be a more perfect fusion of violence and capitalism than the bejeweled, gold-encrusted, 31-weapon arsenal uncovered by the Mexican Attorney General's office in a raid this week? Also, could there be anything more tacky? Click for more pictures.

There hasn't been a black Republican in the House of Representatives since 2003, which is weird, since Republican politicians and voters are notoriously friendly to the African-American community. But fear not, GOP: Thirty-five black Republicans are now running for Congress!

A CNN producer noticed something funny on his commute today: Julia Louis-Dreyfus got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! No, wait, that's not the funny thing. The funny thing is that they spelled her name "Julia Luis Dreyfus."

The Daily Beast appears to have published the most mixed metaphor of all time.

Stephen Colbert is well known for airing his grievances on a nightly basis. Tonight, he came clean with his hatred for world renowned astrophysicist Stephen Hawking. Who knew the world's expert on black holes had a thing for blonds?

Concord, Mass., home of juice company Welch's, has banned the sale of bottled water starting in 2011. An effort to save the so-called "environment," or a bow to pressure from the powerful grape-juice lobby? We report—you decide. [Fox]