Today in totally benign apps Apple thinks it needs to protect us from: German electro-punk band Atari Teenage Riot has developed an app which plays crazy sounds. The German iTunes store has delayed its release because it might cause "hysteria."

Exit polls show that Tories have made huge gains in Britain's elections. Whatever that means!

As you are probably aware, the stock market today fell faster than a newborn foal on roller-skates, then rebounded like Shaq on stilts. No, that's not right. Can we think of a better metaphor for what happened today than "roller-coaster?"

Every child is a star in their parent's eye. Alex Nussbaum explains why parents are probably delusional when thinking that.

Sort of unbelievable that the oil slick hadn't come ashore until today. The slick just hit Breton Wildlife Reserve, located in a chain of islands off the Lousiana coast. Better eat all those birds before they're coated in oil. [Reuters]

It was nice of Phantom Fireworks to release video of Faisal Shahzad buying fireworks at their Pennsylvania store. But it does strike us as a little unseemly to have stamped a huge watermark on the video with their cartoon logo.

Custody battles on Private Practice, new 30 Rock and Donald Glover himself said Community was not to be missed. Who could argue with that? See you in the #tvparty!

California oil heir Peter Getty ended his marriage in a hazy, abusive binge of cocaine and pornography, according to recent court papers filed by his soon-to-be-ex wife. Welcome to the nasty divorce exploding the "nexus of hipster Hollywood."

[A Nashville clothing store owner sets out some of the city's signature cowboy boots to dry after they were immersed in the flood waters that still plague parts of the city. Image via Getty]

Turns out Lady Macbeth was right. A study suggests washing hands not only helps cleanse your conscience, but helps you convince yourself you made the right choice, because it "reduces the influence of past behaviors" in your head. [SciAm, pic]

Four years ago Emily Failla, a 24-year-old teacher, died while rock climbing in Washington State. Last week, her younger sister, 25-year-old Lauren Failla, was bitten and killed by a crocodile while snorkeling in India. Damn. [NYP]

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon renewed their vows earlier this week, and now Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are are planning on doing it. Someone please put an end to this!

You know those people in your office who are always ducking out for cigarettes in groups? They're just shooting the shit, right? Talking about inconsequential things? Wrong. They're actually advancing their careers, while you sit inside working like a chump.

Ex-New York Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno has been sentenced to two years in prison.

Today we looked into the identity of the would-be Times Square bomber, trying to figure out what makes a person want to blow up a bunch of strangers in the name of... something. One commenter offered some insight.

Ahmend Khalfan Ghailani will be the first Guantanamo Bay detainee to stand trial in America. Only he doesn't want to because he says the courthouse cavity searches "eat his soul."

Your daily look into the twitterific lives of our favorite celebs.

Possibly caused by a clerical error at Citigroup, the market took a precipitous plunge this afternoon. Our trusty friends at CNBC were kinda freaked out about it.

The Washington Post claims a much blogged-about photo caption blooper was a "hoax." But the guy who sent the screencap to us stands by it: "I don't even have Photoshop on my computer! Also two co-workers saw my screen."

Humble brunette Barbara lives in a fifth-floor walk-up, doesn't own a TV, and takes the bus. Spoiled blonde Jenna lives in the 'burbs, got a job by nepotism, and crashes at Manhattan hotels. Two in the Bush, Mondays at 9.