Thai security forces are shooting protesters and journalists with live ammo. US Embassy evacuated, downtown Bangkok described as "war zone."

Liberal deviants hacked the Minnesota congresswoman's campaign website in a "malicious attack" that spread all sorts of nastiness to Bachmann's "unsuspecting supporters," according to a statement on her site. [Politico]

As of June 13, the 85-year-old Depression-era comic strip will no longer be syndicated in newspapers by broke ass Tribune Media Services. The company will instead focus on rebranding Annie for the Age of the iPad. [AP, pic]

The government will spend $180 billion over the next ten years to upgrade America's nuclear weapons arsenal, while reducing overall stockpiles. This should appease Republicans who are angry that Obama doesn't want to nuke the Russians. [Washington Post, Getty]

Friday's oil spill solution: robots and tubes and siphoning!

Barack Obama's Big Government is soliciting propaganda videos from Americans to help him explain how rules are made and how everyday people can help him destroy White Culture and free enterprise. The Heritage Foundation made a wacky one.

Prohibition and "sin taxes" push many Africans to drink cheaper, locally produced moonshine. Some of it sounds pretty good, too, with 40% alcohol! But mix in some feces, cockroaches, and jet fuel, and you could wind up blind or dead.

For the first time in 40 years Heinz is significantly changing its ketchup recipe, dropping current sodium levels by 15%. And they're being sneaky — no new label, meaning consumers will have to read the back nutrition panel! Blame Mike.

If there is one common current that runs throughout all of humanity, it is that everyone Googles themselves all day, every day. Humans are vain creatures! Copywriter Alec Brownstein used this fact to get a job via Google AdWords.

So it turns out that the widely-accepted figure of 5,000 barrels leaking every day into the Gulf is more like 25,000, and BP is accused of failing to use standard techniques to find an accurate number. Shocking! [NYT]

A suspicious vehicle has shut down Union Square. Gas cans were spotted in it. (Updated: False alarm)

After 20 seasons on the air, Law & Order may be dead. Who's responsible for killing the program? Let's do an investigation, like on the show!

Bill Hicks really liked smoking cigarettes. He really hated sanctimonious non-smokers. In this clip, he explains why with a hilarious sarcastic wit that only he possessed (until he died in 1994 of, uh...cancer).

Ramin Setoodeh wrote a controversial Newsweek article arguing gay actors shouldn't play straight characters. Now he is going to visit the set of Glee, a show dedicated to "inclusiveness and acceptance for all." He'll be cured by pop covers. [EW]

Stuck in an awful dead-end job? Try becoming embroiled in a plagiarism scandal! It worked for famous Harvard plagiarist Kaavya Viswanathan. She just got a sweet summer job at one of the most prominent law firms in the country.

Has the war on drugs failed? Well, drugs still exist, so, yes! U.S. Drug Czar Gil Kerlikowske agrees: "In the grand scheme, [the war on drugs] has not been successful." So, maybe we can stop shooting people's dogs now? [AP]

[This strange Warhol rip-off family portrait was one of dozens of Anna Nicole Smith's personal effects that went on the auction block today. Image via Getty]

Between the season finale of Private Practice, Demi Lovato on Grey's Anatomy and all the good stuff on NBC, I'll be glued to the TV all night. I suggest you do the same... in the #tvparty!

We're trying out something new tonight—live-blogging NBC's comedy lineup. Rob Lowe starts his role on Parks and Rec! Senor Chang gets fired on Community! And inspired by Floyd's wedding, Liz Lemon revisits all of her ex-boyfriends. Join us!

Some Syracuse students are planning on protesting the school choosing JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon as its commencement speaker by taking off their robes! No word on what's underneath. Probably nothing, because JP Morgan stole all their clothes. [NYM, Getty]