What, did you think viral videos just happen? Common misconception. Meet Edward Salazar, viral video artist. He, along with his green-man crew, are the "accidents" that happen to people that are posted online for all to enjoy.

If you take third at a bird calling contest, someone in your group is going to be the ugly duckling to your, say, Northern Gannet flock. Can you spot who? Come for the free pizza, stay for the insane grunting.

Oil leaks, terror attacks, earthquakes, volcanic ash: It's no wonder you're feeling antsy, can't sleep, and every time a loud bang goes off your heart starts racing. We asked two psychiatrists which drugs to take best ease the psychic pain.

No more! There will be no more Idol ever again. Well, not as we know it, anyway. Simon Cowell packed up his boxes last night and, after great fanfare, exited the Thunderdome. Let's do a post-mortem, shall we?

People of America, it's time to bring your trusty thesaurus out of hiding, because Joy Behar is so sick of you using the word "amazing" ad nauseum. Acceptable, Joy-approved synonyms? "Superb," "ravishing," and "fabulous."

To its users and the press, Facebook made quite a big deal out of new privacy settings it rolled out yesterday. But to the people who write the checks, Facebook says everything is business as usual.

Last night was Simon Cowell's final night on American Idol. Jimmy Kimmel took a moment to recognize Simon's contribution to American television in the form of a video mashup of his best insults during his time as a judge.

The too-rich-to-sell-out rapper apparently doesn't like the New York Times Magazine cover story about her. She's so angry, in fact, she just shared writer Lynn Hirschberg's cell phone number with the world and instructed people to call her.

Is there anyone left who's not boycotting Arizona? Oh yea: PR executives.

Remember the worst Wedding DJ ever, who slapped that woman's boobs on stage? The internet-obsessed kids at Urlesque decided to track the guy down for an interview. This, and a reenactment by Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell inside.

Ken Starr—a famous investment adviser with a long list of celebrity clients, not the Clinton prosecutor—was arrested this morning and charged with running a Ponzi scheme. Also arrested: former NYC Council president Andrew Stein. Big scandal's afoot! [Updated]

Apple hates people walking off with its iPhones, but it's hard to imagine CEO Steve Jobs going as far as Roger Witter. The Oregon illustrator fired two rounds at thieves stealing iPhones from an AT&T store.

Ozzy Osbourne, a man of few, unintelligible words. Really, he just relies on yelling. Take this video, in which real life Ozzy replaced wax figurine Ozzy at Madame Tussuad's Wax Museum and, surprise, no one can tell the difference.

Wasillans—they're just like us! Sarah Palin's got a new nosy neighbor, and the intrepid folks over at Good Morning America took it upon themselves to find out just what Real Life Alaskans think of the situation.

Five years ago, would-be media revolutionary Robert Plotkin vowed to turn the Point Reyes Light, a tiny California paper, into the "New Yorker magazine of the West." He's finally given up, declaring: fine, take your stupid paper back, hippie losers.

Your local mall cops are probably some disgraced policemen who still get a buzz from telling kids not to loiter. Mall Cops will show us those guys in charge of the small city that is the Mall of America.

Babyface Bieber hurls the f-word at an underling. Turns out LiLo wasn't lying about everything, just some things. The woman Matt Lauer didn't have sex with used to be a man. Thursday gossip is full of surprises.

If you're feeling bored of your life or if the police ever finds that body that you've buried in the backyard, here's a quick rundown on how to drop off the grid.

We always laugh when, say, someone's arrested for brazenly offering weed for sale on Craigslist. Our apologies to those fools. It turns out that the dumbest criminals of all are trying to pull off insider trading. Very, very poorly.

Loving Twilight is one thing, but she's actually drinking blood. This cheating actor is lying to his spouse (don't they all) and this talk show host berates her husband publicly (don't they all). Get the garlic and holy water!