A BP official told NBC's Today show that the top kill method is "proceeding pretty well," but that it could be two days before we know if it worked. But rest easy, America, because Pat Campbell always wins. [MSNBC, Getty]

The manhunt continues for Christopher "Dudus" Coke in Jamaica, where at least 73 people have been killed in gun battles between security forces and Coke's "Shower Posse" since last weekend. Coke's brother is out on bail in Manhattan awaiting trial.

Just in time for Memorial Day weekend, a new study says that shark attacks are more likely to occur on Sundays and during new moons. But don't worry, only 10% of shark attacks are deadly—you'll be fine! [AFP, pic]

Novelist James Fogle, author of Drugstore Cowboy, which later became a movie starring Matt Dillon, was arrested this week for robbing a pharmacy near Seattle. He surrendered to police with two trash cans full of drugs in his hands.

[Feeling outraged by the BP's unbelievable shamelessness? How about some wryly humorous graphic design? This is one of the best new BP logos from Greenpeace's "Rebrand BP" competition. Flickr via Reddit]

Investment adviser Ken Starr was arrested Thursday for allegedly defrauding a long list of Hollywood stars like Uma Thurman. And the story keeps getting better (trashier): His wife, Diane Passage, is a former Scores stripper and pole dancer.

Two trains have crashed in India, killing at least 65 in a suspected Maoist attack.

New York is getting a new subway map! It's the first redesign in more than a decade, and it mostly looks the same as the old map, but with new colors. Here are some of the big differences:

Fox News' Greta Van Susteren received an email from a viewer, "Brian," saying that her "brain is empty." Naturally, she started a poll on her blog: "Who is dumber? Greta, or Brian." Guess who's winning.

[Here is a picture of Mary Kate Olsen wearing a funny outfit. Good night! Photo via Bauer-Griffin.]

Even controlling for the fact that people who don't brush are more unhealthy, British scientists found that brushing your teeth twice a day reduces your risk of heart disease. Unlike all those bullshit cancer studies, this is real science. [SciAm]

The standard on So You Think You Can Dance is skinny ballerinas, smoldering salsa dancers, and buff b-boys. But screw that. This chubby contemporary dancer brought it with her audition and blew everyone away. Video of her incredible performance inside.

Ken Starr, Bernie Madoff to the Stars! He's been charged with running a Ponzi scheme using money from celebrities. One of them is reported to be Uma Thurman. Dude, didn't you see Kill Bill? You're dead meat!

As a PhD criminology student, Stephen Griffiths studied 19th-century murders with a special focus on Jack the Ripper. Now he's been arrested for murdering three prostitutes in Yorkshire, England—one of whom he killed with a crossbow.

The monkey-carrying, procedural crime drama guest-starring, Biggest Loser-visiting chef fameball Rocco Dispirito got himself a televised cooking competition series on Bravo called Rocco's Dinner Party. From the press release: "DiSpirito sizes up some of the country's most promising aspiring chefs to see if they have the chops to impress at a private dinner party attended by his discriminating guests."

Newly de-classified documents show that British ballerina Margot Fonteyn led a plot to overthrow Panama's government in the 1950s. She was not as good at intrigue as she was at dancing: She accidentally threw some documents into the ocean. [AP]

This is one of those times when I really don't know what to say besides this: here is a video, currently circulating around the Internet, depicting several elementary school-aged children simulating sex during some sort of holy-sh*t-this-is-just-plain-wrong dance party. *Shudder*

Sarah Palin has traded heavily on her Real America, small-town roots throughout her career. But this is also a great liability. The case of Sarah Palin's nosy next-door neighbor shows Palin's downfall at the hands of pissed-off provincials has begun.

The brick wall, Norm's blazer, and the crowd keep the clip's look firmly in comedy's past. Norm's jokes remain relevant because of the static nature of the dental care industry and America's aversion to floss.

This summer should bring an "active to extremely active" hurricane season, with up to 14 storms. This will help disperse the oil slick, but hurricanes are "potentially far more hazardous to the population than leaking oil." You can't win! [WaPo]