The X Factor-winning belter is basically the Archie Andrews of pop music. She recently fell down an elevator shaft during a concert. In recent months she's been headbutted by her horse and punched in the face by a fan. Oof.

Yet another man has come forward to allege he had an affair with South Carolina Tea Party candidate for governor Nikki Haley (pictured, with pal Sarah). This guy was a lobbyist with Haley's rival. Best dirty trick ever?

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

This kid just wanted to watch the cool water ride. He never saw it coming! Hope that diaper provided him with enough padding for his crash landing.

The bids are in for Newsweek! Who wants to be the next owner of this classic American magazine, now that the Washington Post Co. has acknowledged it will never make a penny? A diverse group of...interesting people.

Ponzi scheming stripper husband Kenneth Starr's lawyer left him due to a "conflict of interest." He now has a public defender.

After yesterday's robotic buzz saw failure, and America's reluctance to use nukes on the well, BP is turning to a huge pair of shears to cut the leaky pipe in the Gulf. December isn't too far off, right? [AP, pic]

Police in Texas have arrested two men with a truck carrying 147 assault rifles, 10,000 rounds of ammunition, and 53 bayonets (what?!) bound for Mexico. Over 23,000 people have died in Mexico's drug war since 2006. [BBC, pic]

Yesterday, we asked you what Ted Haggard's big announcement could possibly be. There was great speculation! Well, he's starting a new church with the novel idea of helping people (and pulling in some cash), because "something is better than nothing."

The New Yorker has created a list of 20 writers under 40 worth watching. You probably hate it already, without even knowing who's on it. But how can you complain about it, without looking jealous and bitter?

You should feel awful for badmouthing Governor Jan Brewer, because she faces tough immigration issues that you can't understand. And when people call her Hitler's daughter it hurts, because her dad died fighting the dang Nazis. In California in 1955.

Oh. Em. Gee. You. Guys. It's no surprise that Lady Gaga's appeal transcends pretty much every gradient of society, but did you ever expect Bill O'Reilly to, like, totally, like, fangirl out for her? Well, he did tonight. Kind of.

Musician Patrick Liddell recorded a video of himself giving a short monologue and uploaded it to YouTube. He then downloaded the file from YouTube, and uploaded that file—repeating the process 1000 times. It got pretty weird.

Abhisit Vejjajiva, Thailand's Prime Minister, survived a no-confidence vote over his handling of last month's violent protests.

George W. Bush, still unclear on this whole "eighth amendment" thing, told a crowd in Michigan that his administration waterboarded 9/11 plotter Khalid Sheik Mohammed, and he would do so again "to save lives." [Guardian]

Mark Zuckerberg, the 26-year-old CEO of Facebook, was publicly interviewed on Wednesday at the D8 tech conference. How'd he do? Apparently, he got so nervous and sweaty answering questions about privacy that he had to take his trademark hoodie off.

There are so many things you can find at the beach. Shells! Sea glass! Driftwood! And, uh, cocaine: A beachcomber in Galveston, Texas, stumbled across a bag with 16 bricks of coke—an estimated $2.1 million haul.

Ha, ex-Senator Larry Craig sent out an email saying that he would be appearing on The Daily Show, but that "they won't be discussing the past"—i.e. his gay restroom sex scandal. Uh, has he ever seen the show?

The diamond saw didn't cut the riser pipe. BP is switching to a robotic arm.

The possibility of blowing up the oil spill with a nuclear bomb has been thrown around by bloggers and pundits. But now the Department of Energy has officially said that we will not be nuking the oil spill. Borrrring.