The View began with Whoopi Goldberg using her baller-fan to ease hot flashes. Then she requests a shower break, and Joy Behar tells Harry Connick Jr. that "When the Saints Go Marching In" played during one of her pap smears.

This fellow, protesting somewhere (his backyard?), has an idea, and with a few more back-of-the-envelope calculations, it should be a full-blown theory. [via Buzzfeed]

Supersexual fashion brand American Apparel was accused last year of having a policy of firing employees that management deemed too ugly. According to some new inside information we received, hiring and firing is now largely based on employee photos.

Are you an up-and-coming young musician looking to "make it" in the shoddy remains of the "music industry?" Well I hope you rap very much about McDonald's, Pepsi, and/ or Coca-Cola, the only remaining entities who can "discover artists."

Looks like tabloid Globe is the publication that bought the Gary Coleman deathbed photos.

So, who won Webutante Ball King and Queen this year? How about the ultimate Fameball award? Most Likely to Succeed? The winners, announced inside.

Now that we have assessed the Glee finale in the sober light of morning, we are happy to report that it was a near-perfect masterpiece. Let us recount its many memorable moments together. And maybe cry all over again.

Ricky Martin, known hip-swiveler, will play Ché in Evita on Broadway next year. Whither Antonio?

Yesterday, the Today Show featured dogs whose fur was dyed to mimic another animal's coloring. Today, they covered a more drastic approach to doggie dye-jobs, leaving the hosts perplexed.

This is what the reputable Sun newspaper is reporting. Twenty-nine-year-old Fernando Flores claims that the worrisome ex-pop singer traipsed around nude in front of him and made unwanted advances. In Britney's defense, she thought he was a piece of cheesecake.

Debrahlee Lorenzana—the banker who says Citibank fired her for being too hot—made a documentary (infomercial?) about getting a second boob job at age 26: "I want to look like a Playboy playmate." Her goal: marrying rich. Updated.

In your workmanlike Wednesday media column: Ed Henry comes out in favor of the competition, Clark Hoyt sums up his dramatic tenure, Newsweek gets a new bidder and beef with Howie Kurtz, and Clay Shirky, man of mystery no more.

After her complete and utter failure to get backstage at a Marc Jacobs show, it seems like Olivia Palermo's definitely out of a job. Introducing Louise Roe: fashion journalist and Olivia's far more competent replacement at Elle.

Here's a trailer for AMC's upcoming mystery series, about a think tank employee (James Badge Dale) who begins to uncover a conspiracy involving branches of government and big business. It involves four-leaf clovers somehow? Mostly the trailer is just confusing.

It's nine o'clock, you're finally home from a long day. You microwave a hot pocket, complain to your roommate and hit the couch. You flick on the TV, and click 30 Rock - last week's episode, streaming from the internet.

The country's most expensive hotel room (outside of Vegas) is at the Four Seasons in New York. It comes with free room service, private butler, chauffeured Maybach, and a $120,000 chandelier. You can even pick your own toilet paper!

America is mourning last night's tragic defeat of birther Orly Taitz for California secretary of state. She still earned 372,490 votes, though, while Slate blogger Mickey Kaus could only muster 94,298 in his Senate primary. [via Dave Weigel]

Good Day New York took a break from their coverage of local news to talk about Lindsay Lohan allegedly having a beer (which violated court order). On-air awkward silence ensues. Does this qualify as news?

A very proud Chicago artist named Jeremy Scheuch recently got this Chicago-style tattoo and sent a picture to Chicagoist. Look at all the Chicago-y things! A hot dog. A deep dish pizza. Money! And, of course, in Rod we trust.

Those sad, sad Gore people: daughter Karenna Gore Schiff has also separated from her husband.