Ask a parent to name the harshest war in which Americans are currently engaged,and most will say "The war against Pampers™ Dry Max diapers. My baby's poor bottom!" The P&G corporation is now ready to win the war. Harshly.

At what appears to be a Man/Boy social club, a game of dodge ball gets taken a bit too seriously by a man with a big green ball.

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

[Jessica Biel outside the Ralph Lauren restaurant in gay Paris; image via Splash]

Starbucks, of late, has been relentlessly hobo-fying itself in order to attract the rubes and bumpkins who flock to America's finest coffee house, McDonald's. Hey rubes: now you can look at Miley Cyrus upskirt pix free, while drinking caffeine sugar!

Perez finally crossed the line into child porn, and lawyers say his fate is grim. Lady Gaga throws a tantrum. Charlie Sheen drops another fancy car down a ditch. Tuesday gossip could go to jail for photoshopping a vagina.

A young Mexican matador was arrested for breach of contract Sunday after he dropped his cape and fled the horns of a raging half-ton bull. After his release he said, "I didn't have the balls, this is not my thing."

Eight federal buildings in Washington, Idaho and Utah received envelopes containing non-hazardous white mystery powder yesterday.

Armageddon is finally upon us: The oil spill. The Situation has a record deal. And last night, the six-story "King of Kings" roadside Jesus statue in Ohio was struck by lightning and burned to the ground.

Grab your pitchforks! Multinational oil company BP has reportedly hired financial advisors from Goldman Sachs to help with the "mounting liabilities" the firm is facing from the Gulf oil spill. BP has denied rumors it is going bankrupt.

Who: The son of former Governor Mario Cuomo, Andrew was elected New York's attorney general in 2006. In May 2010, he officially announced plans to run for governor this fall.

A 52-year-old California man, Gary Brooks Faulkner, was arrested Sunday in northern Pakistan carrying a 40 inch sword, a pistol, night vision goggles, and a book of Christian verses. He told police he was looking for Osama bin Laden. [AP]

Keep up with Gawker via Twitter, Facebook and email.

[Good thing the World Cup is a soccer competition, and not a "dress like a goddamn maniac" competition, because otherwise, the Japanese would already have won and we'd all have to go home. Pic via Getty]

The Sun reports on an important developing story in Scotland: A "STUNNED" mother of two has discovered a chocolate "shaped like a WILLY" and is demanding an apology from its manufacturer, Cadbury's. "It is vile," she says. [The Scottish Sun]

Bestselling artist/crook Thomas Kinkade was arrested on suspicion of a DUI in California. According to police, he was "very nice," for a guy whose life's work represents the vicious murder of art at the hands of religious capitalism. [Modesto Bee]

Real Housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub has been forced put her house on the market for her divorce proceedings for the "aggressive price" of $1.095 million. What do you get for that kind of dough?

Don Ritchie lives across the street from the most famous suicide spot in Australia: A cliff known as "The Gap." Most people would move, but Ritchie's stayed for almost 50 years—saving an estimated 160 people from suicide.

Oh no! Twitter has been down intermittently for an hour or so, leaving the world totally unaware of the current level of Justin Bieber fandom. Why is the incredibly popular social networking site still experiencing outages like this?

[Anthony Le, dressed as War Machine, rides an escalator outside E3, the video game industry's biggest trade show. He didn't have a pass, but drove 20 hours to be there "in the spirit of video games." Pic via AP.]