Lance Armstrong, True American Hero (and cleanest cyclist ever), is upset with Outside magazine for Photoshopping a slogan onto his t-shirt. So he did what you might expect—he took to the Twitter, writing "That's some lame bullshit. #weak."

A food plant in Texas between December 2008 and this June canned undercooked meat in 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO's. Campbell Soup Company has recalled three types of SpaghettiO's, though there have been no reports of illness. Yum! [AP]

Chess champ Bobby Fischer's body will be exhumed in Iceland to resolve a paternity suit.

Want to know what it's like to spend a day in Joran van der Sloot's jailhouse slippers? He hangs his clothes on a rack and reads the Bible! He even sleeps on a mattress! CNN got an exclusive tour.

Chinese manufacturers are set to rake in huge profits from the sale of the traditional South African plastic noisemaker, the vuvuzela, as the worldwide craze has hit back home. 90% of the horns in South Africa were made in China.

Who: The stiff-jawed, thoroughly plasticized legal expert hosts On the Record with Greta Van Susteren on the Fox News Channel. She's also a big-time member of the Church of Scientology and a pal of Sarah Palin.

An oceanographer from the National Center for Atmospheric Research says oil from the ongoing Gulf of Mexico spill will reach the Atlantic by October at the latest. [Wired; image via Getty]

Ronnie Lee Gardner, the Utah man convicted of killing an attorney in 1985, was executed this morning by a firing squad. Utah is the only state that still uses the method for executing prisoners. [Salt Lake Tribune]

Mint.com, the free personal finance site, put up a weirdly strident anti-immigration post on its Mintlife blog on Wednesday. Turns out, it's not just tacky, it's poorly-sourced—down to a citation for the openly racist anti-immigration site VDare.com.

Adolf Hitler is enjoying a surge of popularity in India, where a movie is in production, his autobiography is doing brisk sales and the genocidal dictator is "idolized and admired, mostly by the young." Wait, what?

The L.A. Lakers won their second consecutive NBA championship, beating the Boston Celtics 83-79.

BrosIcingBros.com, the website/game that defined a generation in a single meme, is no more. Who was behind the icing? Smirnoff manufacturer Diageo, which apparently hated the idea that someone had invented a reason to drink its product. [Ad Age, pic]

Actor-artist-writer James Franco has a solo art show! It opens June 23 at the Clocktower Gallery in New York. What will be in it? A "work explor[ing] a romantic encounter between "Star Trek" characters Spock and James T. Kirk."

Nerdgasm! This basically epitomizes cool: a Japanese man named Hikakin uploaded a video today in which he beatboxes the music from Super Mario. Who knew you could rock out to a video game soundtrack? The sure to amaze video, inside.

Today, CNN reported that President Obama's Tuesday address failed because it was written at a 10th grade level and, therefore, too smart for us idiot Americans. Tonight, Stephen Colbert dumbed it down in the most hilarious way possible. Video inside.

When you're in Whole Foods tomorrow to pick up your organic free-range sustainable humanely slaughtered coconut chicken skewers, you might see some people staring forlornly at an empty shelf. Why? The kombucha's gone! Oh, overpriced fermented tea. Where'd you go?

Here's a story about a man who got his balls waxed for charity in an English pub. When they pulled off the wax, six layers of skin came off and he almost lost his balls. Thanks, The Sun! (pic shutterstock)

Even though he's already apologized for his apology to BP for having to set aside $20 billion to help clean up the Gulf, Congressman Joe Barton isn't yet off the hook. And tonight, Jon Stewart made that clear. Video inside.

[The seventh and final game of the NBA Finals is tonight! Here, Flea, of the Red Hot Chili Peppers cheers on his beloved Los Angeles Lakers. After this, he's going to start fights in the parking lot. Photo via Getty.]

Perez Hilton talked with Joy Behar tonight regarding the ~alleged~ fact that he's a creepy pervert who posted an upskirt photo of 17-year-old Miley Cyrus. Hilton's statements were so ridiculous that they must be seen to be believed. Videos inside.