MTV guidos Ronnie, The Situation, and Vinnie adorn the cover of the Village Voice shirtless. No big deal, right? Apparently the boys didn't know it was for the "Queer Issue." They may not agree, but that couldn't be more true.

MAJOR SPOILER ALERT! New episodes haven't been made in seven years (if you don't count the mostly-amazing made for DVD film series), but as of today everyone is back, from Philip Fry to Zapp Brannigan.

Ready to enter the low-budget, low-production-value world of public access television, where you may achieve fame (but probably not fortune)? Here's how to break into the business.

Is there any potent symbol of American waste and excess that hippies will not ban? First, it was plastic bags, out in San Fran-cisco. Now, hippies on the opposite coast are taking on the treasured American plastic bottle.

This squirrel ate some fermented pumpkins becoming drunk. He tries to climb a tree, falling many times then choosing the much easier option of chasing his tail.

In honor of the World Cup, an eatery in the completely sane state of Arizona has added a special delicacy to their menu: lion! Yes, lion burgers, for $22. The beasts come from a farm in Illinois, not Africa.

"17 stitches later" Katy Perry contemplates using a walker onstage. The cast of Glee won't stop banging on set. Conan and Lance Armstrong get in a Twitter fight. Tiki Barber is broke. Wednesday gossip gets you through the hump.

He finds all the hottest MILFs and arranges "play dates." Speaking of having company, this celebrity couple is convinced when a pair of their famous frenemies comes over, they raid the medicine cabinet. Talk about a play date!

The Cannes Advertising Festival—the ad industry's "biggest annual autoerotic event"—has given a "Grand Prix" award to Diesel's nonsensical, brain-assaulting, poor-excuse-for-porn "Be Stupid" ad campaign. You people are stupid. [Ad Age]

Prosecutors are now going after the assets of two of Bernie Madoff's "back office" staffers, who oversaw the day-to-day operations of his scam. They handled office paperwork, and they're both multimillionaires? Guilty. Also—you guys seen $9 billion anywhere? [WSJ]

["Gossip Girl" actress Leighton Meester shoots her movie "Monte Carlo" on the Ponts des Arts in Paris. Yes, she gets to be in Paris and you get to be in your office. Image via Splash]

Are men capable of dealing with a child's poop? Despite strong warnings from wise men that only women have the inborn baby poop-handling gene, Pampers is now trying to pawn off its dirty product on fathers. They're not doing well.

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

The Library of Congress is adding Tupac's "Dear Mama," along with 24 other recordings, to its National Recording Registry today for their cultural significance. The program coordinator said the song was chosen because it is "relatively tame." What, no Biggie?

The small city of Maywood, California, is broke. So the city is planning to disband its police force, lay off municipal employees, and hire outside help to run day-to-day operations. Only a handful of top officials will remain in place.

Edith Shain, the nurse in one of the most memorable photographs from World War Two, died Sunday at the age of 91. The picture, taken in Times Square on V-J Day after the Japanese surrender, appeared in Life magazine. [Life]

Yesterday, U.S. District Judge and oil investor Martin Feldman blocked President Obama's "blanket, generic, indeed punitive" offshore oil drilling moratorium. But Interior Secretary Ken Salazar will seek a stay on the ruling, pending an appeal by the administration. [NYT]

Bernie Madoff's ex-finance boss Frank DiPascali, former millionaire, was released yesterday on $10 million bail. He plead guilty to fraud and whatnot. More importantly, what the hell is he wearing, nurse shoes? Only Jerry Seinfeld can wear shoes that white.

What will life be like in 2050? Will there be a cure for cancer? What about talking computers? Contact with aliens? A lady president? I don't know! Why not ask America?

The New York Forum, a conference focused on the "continuing economic crises," started yesterday! And good ol' Rupert Murdoch, President and CEO of Fox News' parent company News Corp, kicked things off by calling President Obama "irresponsible." Sounds fun, right?