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Today at Gawker.TV, let's all laugh at The Situation's high school "pizza face" yearbook photo, Tom Cruise threatens Regis Philbin's marriage, Kathy Griffin contends in a beauty pageant, and (spoiler alert!) watch the first four minutes of Futurama's triumphant return.

The hot new dance track: "Blow That Vuvuzela." Everybody do the [shockingly annoying sound]!

The Way We Live Now: Tidying up the place, as best we can. I know it's not fancy, like you're used to, but it's something. Here, sit on this box. Pick anything from the food cart. Tar fish? Delicious.

We go to Martha Stewart for many things—recipes, decorating tips, officious WASP-y superiority—but for blue humor? Never! But now she's posting suggestive pictures on her Facebook page and our universe is turned upside down.

The AP's opinionated Washington editor Ron Fournier will become editor-in-chief of the National Journal Group.

While pulling accessories for Ke$ha, Olivia is introduced into the world of "trashy" fashion and gets dissed by shop girls of Trash and Vaudeville. Maybe she's just scared of bullets, chains and the distinct lack of glitter and satin.

American John Isner (pictured) and Frenchman Nicolas Mahut are stuck at 58-59 in the longest tennis match ever, spanning three days and nearly ten hours. Wimbledon really needs a way to deal with ties. Update: They need a third day.

We knew all season that we would eventually see Capt. Phil Harris die on The Deadliest Catch. Last night America watched the stroke that eventually killed him. It was sad and strange and awful and tasteful. It was death reality-TV-style.

Today we heard that Simon Rich, wealthy son of New York Times writer Frank Rich and product of Dalton and Harvard, has a new movie in the works, in addition to a gig writing for SNL. Is that unfair?

"Get up on these breasts!" sings the voluptuous Amy Douglas in the music video for "bOObies," a new song by NYC synth-pop/electronica group The Kiki Twins. If you like bright lights, synthesized beats and cleavage (duh), this one's for you.

[A woman famous for her impractical footwear succumbed to gravity at London's Heathrow Airport today. Click image to enlarge. Image via INF.]

Here's a clip of Barack Obama, flanked by new Afghanistan commander David Petraeus and Vice President Joe "Bite Me" Biden, announcing the change from General Stanley McChrystal, a meanie. As always, be sure to gauge whether Obama "looks angry" enough.

This reporter tries to show viewers how easy it is for a car robber to break into a car. Turns out he should stick to being a reporter, because he can't even impersonate a criminal for the sake of demonstration.

Russian president Dmitry Medvedev visited the San Francisco offices of Twitter and created an account on the microblogging service, @KremlinRussia. As you can see in the attached photo, the startup's founders didn't get too dressed up.

The View time-traveled back to 1999 today. Melissa Etheridge was guest host, David Spade made an appearance, and Macy Gray performed. Watch an uncomfortable talk with Spade, and sexual tension between Etheridge and Gray after the link.

Last month, rumor was Lohan was sleeping with celebrity photographer Indrani. Now Lindsay's Twitter-fighting Indrani (and her Bravo reality show) for making her astoundingly late to a televised photo shoot. Lindsay says it was a "set-up" for "ratings."

I've had a pretty eventful life, and as I've headed into adulthood, I started really taking a look at who I was, and where my life was headed. My therapist told me that I needed to "let go" and "stop creating things that are getting in the way of my success."

In your sultry Wednesday media column: Anna Wintour's PR man retires, Lee Siegel bitches and bitches, and the oil spill is the only thing on TV, but nobody will watch if Larry King's the one talking about it.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino stopped by the Tonight Show to warn the world about the upcoming rapture—also known as the second season of Jersey Shore. Jay counters by showing off a blemished yearbook photo of a Pre-Situation Sorrentino.