I can understand that your confusion with your sexuality is a HUGE deal, but someone wants you and your friends dead. Perhaps you can forget what others think and focus on not dying. Also, be true to yourself, just saying.

The Times of London, citing sources "close to the company," says that BP CEO Tony Hayward will resign before October 1, because everyone hates him, except for his family (probably). BP is denying the report. [CNN]

Have you ever wondered what the salary was for a television writer for, say, a popular scripted show like The Simpsons? If so, then it's your lucky day—and the number may shock you. Inside, video of the answer.

[Tens of thousands of Buddhist novices were ordained on Tuesday in the Pathumthani province of Thailand, becoming monks in a dawn ceremony marking the start of the "Buddhist Lent." Pic via AP]

This is Levi Detweiler, a 17-year-old kid arrested following a police chase last week and charged with possession of alcohol and reckless endangerment. And "overdriving an animal." See, he's Amish, and he was driving a horse and buggy.

Nick Swardson claims that the best text you can get begins with, "Dude..." and then proceeds to tell a story of the best text he has ever gotten from a friend about a crazy night of shenanigans.

Bad: a 17-year-old mother was arrested on Friday after surveillance cameras caught her trying to smother her four-month-old to death to "make life easier." Worse: she admitted to attempting it three previous times. Worst: she's barely being charged. More inside.

Last night was the True Beauty finale. TV is all the better for it. The episode starred Jackass "celebrity," Steve-O, who partied with the remaining three contestants in Vegas (fresh out of rehab). The reasons this show sucked, inside.

L.A. Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore says Lindsay Lohan has been very cooperative since surrendering herself this morning and will serve only "about 14 days" of her 90-day sentence. That info should help in our LiLo jailbird betting pool.

[Flawless Secretary of State Hillary Clinton yuks it up with Afghan President Hamid Karzai while posing for a picture in Kabul today. Image via AP]

When your girlfriend is away you'll definitely play. LA-based sketch comedy group Fries on the side show off one of the more mature titles for the Nintendo Wii.

Hoping to emulate her favorite Sex and the City character Samantha Jones, Brit Christina Saunders just finished a decade-long quest to sleep with 1,000 men. We have nothing against being slutty, just don't blame it on TV! [NoTW, via]

The random designer trying to claim 84 percent of Facebook might have CEO Mark Zuckerberg's signature on a contract giving him the ownership stake. Facebook's courtroom admissions are making Paul Ceglia's claim sound a lot less insane.

Do you know what brostitution is? If this Funny or Die trailer for a documentary about the brostitute trade is to be believed, it's when bros offer non-sexual companionship to other bros for money, via pimp Tim Roth. Video inside.

Lindsay Lohan's dinner tonight: turkey casserole with noodles, coleslaw, apple sauce, wheat bread, and milk.

This morning The Early Show debuted a new segment borrowed quite possibly from Sesame Street wherein they poked fun at Sarah Palin's penultimate gaffe and the twitter gaffe that promptly followed.

Anarchic internet hangout 4chan sent a little more hate Gawker's way today, launching a denial of service attack against our website, spamming our email accounts and even trying to bother one staffer's spouse. All so we'd stop talking about them.

Your daily look into the twitterific lives of our favorite celebs.

A "socially inept" Pennsylvania judge has been suspended from his job for calling repeatedly and "making uninvited visits" to the homes of five women. We'd expect that from a lawyer, cop, or other male professional. But not a judge. [AP]

Valerie Plame Wilson stopped by this morning to talk about her book and the movies she's involved in. Unfortunately for her, Greg Kelly pushed her buttons when he asked about the scandal that ended her CIA career.