Tens of thousands of armies have been created as users engage in snack-sized combat across the web. Fight against opponents live on a myriad of battlefields. Or test your mettle against an army controlled by General Chester himself. The choice is yours.

It's only fitting that one of Old Spice's overwhelmingly manly pitchmen will be featured in The Expendables. Former NFL player and Kicker of Buildings Terry Crews visited SportsNation on Tuesday to discuss pythons, guns, and other euphemisms.

Just when Al Gore's "crazed sex poodle" masseuse assault allegations were waning, the National Enquirer digs up two more masseuses who say Gore propositioned them. Or, more precisely, "pointed at his erect penis and ordered her, 'Take care of THIS.'"

Every summer needs that one song. Lots of artists have tried to musically define the summer but no one has succeeded. Until now. Fox & Friends presents the Summer Jam of 2010, Krista Branch's "I Am America."

Rachael Ray had a sex expert on her show this morning to discuss several taboo topics. Leading off, masturbation and a side order of Rachael Ray squirming like a priest at the Kid's Choice Awards.

A 30-year-old Jerusalem man has been sentenced to 18 months in prison for "rape by deception", after sleeping with a woman whom he lied to about being Jewish. When the woman found out he was Arab, she called the police.

In your balmy Wednesday media column: Tucker Carlson desperately needs ideas, a whole sports department walks out, David Remnick is a modest mouse, Eliot Spitzer is paid more than he's worth, and Keith Kelly's prediction finally comes true.

This former football player turned Wipeout participant doesn't look graceful. That doesn't stop him from attempting a spectacular dive towards the platform.

Finally, a way to dignify the experience of sitting around farting in your pants: Meet Subtle Butt, the odor-eating butt patch. "I use them on airplanes, after a chili meal, and even on my dog," says its evangelistic creator.

In a country with over twenty volcanoes, it's a tradition in El Salvador to throw flaming balls of fire at each other to show their respect for them. Check it out, CNN even gives you the recipe for the fireballs!

Last night was Gawker.TV's first ever TV trivia night, and if you were there you'd know that it exceeded even the wildest of expectations for sheer awesomeness. If you weren't there, these photos should entice you for next time.

Carol Channing marched onto The View today, sporting an awesomely cute granny outfit, disregarded the teleprompter and campaigned for the Arts in public schools instead. Then she sang a "down and dirty" tune while co-hosts and audience awkwardly/admirably watched.

Last night at BB King's on 42nd St., Albert Gore III—the 27 year-old son of our nation's most almost President—faced an opponent in the Corporate Boxing Challenge. We were live on the scene, to cover this historic violence.

Fifty percent of the Fight of the Conchords appeared on Jimmy Fallon's show last night and Jemaine Clement talked about how the duo is treated in their home country. Apparently, they're known as "those guys" that are famous in America.

Anna Wintour has been campaigning against the Jamaican restaurant Miss Lily's, which is hoping to open near her Village townhouse. The Vogue editor claims that because restaurant/club owner Serge Becker is involved, it's guaranteed to turn into a shitshow. Really?

[Democratic leaders hover over President Obama as he signs the Dodd-Frank financial regulatory reform bill into law today. Neither Chris Dodd nor Barney Frank interrupted with an "Oh shit I forgot something," so, phew. Image via Getty.]

As oil continues to gush seep from a hole deep under water, publishers are scrambling to get books written about the catastrophe. Six or more are currently in the works. One is coming out in September. It'll be a cliffhanger!

During QVC's Christmas in July, Anthony Heywood get's a little carried away while trying to catch an ornament and falls backward from his chair. Sometimes it's best to let those hard to reach ones go, especially if you're on TV.

How in hell did ex-Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich's lawyers talk him down from taking the stand in his corruption trial? Hypnosis? In any event, his defense has rested, and the trial will move to closing arguments next week. [Image: AP]

After suffering through another Will Ferrell bomb session during the ESPY's, Marky Mark steps up to the mic to deliver his sexist, awkward ramblings. Easily the most uncomfortable moment of the night.