Hudson Hongo · 07/29/15 07:15PM

Matthew Sanchez, the 911 operator who allegedly hung up on a woman aiding a dying teen after telling her, “You can deal with it yourself,” has resigned, NBC News reports. “Sanchez tendered his resignation of employment from the Albuquerque Fire Department effective immediately,” said a department spokesperson.

Story Argues Against Flying With Support Animals; I Remain Unconvinced

Rich Juzwiak · 07/29/15 03:20PM

Take one look at the gif above and tell me that seeing a turtle scuttling around wouldn’t improve the experience of being cattle-herded through one of the circles of hell that is a U.S. airport. The answer should be clear to you (it is, “Yes, that would improve my travel experience greatly”), but just in case you’re on the fence, let me help: The turtle’s name is Xena.

A Parched Millionaire Broke Into Obama's Favorite Bistro to Steal Vodka

Gabrielle Bluestone · 07/29/15 03:10PM

What’s a thirsty millionaire to do when he’s fiending for a Campari and there’s nary a bar in sight? Ignoring the fact that this happened in Georgetown, a college town literally lined with bars, the answer for one PR exec was apparently clear: break into a fancy restaurant and steal $100 worth of shitty booze.

Afghan Intelligence: Taliban Leader Mullah Omar Died Two Years Ago

Ashley Feinberg · 07/29/15 11:53AM

According to Afghanistan’s main intelligence agency, Mullah Mohammad Omar, the Talibans’ spiritual leader turned “secretive head” and lead insurgent after the September 11 attacks, died over two years ago. And as of right now, it’s unclear exactly why it’s taken so long to report the death of the former Bin Laden confidant.

New Jail Footage Shows Sandra Bland Was Alive During Booking

Jay Hathaway · 07/29/15 11:13AM

Officials in Waller County, Texas, have released new jail footage showing that Sandra Bland, the woman who was arrested during a traffic stop and died in jail under suspicious circumstances, was alive during the booking process. The county also produced “several hours” of footage of Bland in jail, showing her sleeping in her cell and being taken in and out, the AP reported Tuesday night.

Donald Trump Is Straight-Up Disgusted by Breast Milk

Gabrielle Bluestone · 07/29/15 10:35AM

It’s safe, at this point, to say that presidential candidate and human Kewpie doll Donald Trump is not a fan of Mexico or its people. But surely he has some begrudging respect—or even admiration—for women with functioning breasts? It might surprise you to learn—or maybe it won’t—but he’s not a fan of those either.

Zut Alors: Disneyland Paris Under Investigation for Overcharging Germans

Gabrielle Bluestone · 07/29/15 08:25AM

The French can have a reputation for being, how do you say, less-than-hospitable to les foreigners. The French at Disneyland Paris are, authorities say, even worse: they’ve allegedly been charging foreigners as much as double the ticket price for the privilege of touring Cinderella’s chateau.

Reddit Is Hemorrhaging Female Employees

Gabrielle Bluestone · 07/28/15 04:35PM

In the last month, at least four female senior Reddit employees have left the company, as the site’s interim CEO continues to insist that there’s “no gender discrimination problem.” The latest employee to exit—Jessica Moreno, Reddit’s now-former Head of Community—quit Monday, purportedly because she intends to “spend more time with her family” and not because who in god’s name would want that job at this point.

Cereal For Dessert

Jordan Sargent · 07/28/15 04:20PM

Late at night, you may sometimes find yourself being tugged in two directions by the small and insistent hole growing in your stomach. Maybe you want a sweet treat before you lay your head down to sleep. But maybe you want something more substantial—not just the goodnight kiss of a morsel of chocolate, but what Taco Bell has accurately termed/branded the “fourth meal.” Thankfully for us all, I recently discovered a solution.