On Friday, a jury deciding the fate of Aurora movie theater shooter James Holmes said they were unable to reach a unanimous sentencing decision, resulting in life in prison without parole instead of the death penalty for the man who killed 12 people and wounded 70 others at a screening of The Dark Knight Rises in 2012, CNN reports.

Those expecting a colossal train wreck when Donald Trump went on Don Lemon’s CNN program tonight might have ended up disappointed, but The Donald still managed to engage in his own brand of media scorched-earth campaigning after a debate in which the edge was clearly against him.

Tyler Drumheller, a former CIA officer whose whistleblowing embarrassed Bush-era intelligence gathering in Iraq, died over the weekend at 63, the Washington Post reports. Drumheller was most recently implicated in an off-the-books intel gathering operation that fed into Hillary Clinton’s private inbox.

Ice time! Color magic! Wasp zombies! Worm tricks! Frog poison! Comet stories! Eye shapes! And the last spiders you’ll see before you die! It’s your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—from a perch safely away from the field of battle!

It’s hard enough running an alt weekly in 2015 without evoking fascist iconography.

In early June, Kalief Browder, the Bronx native who battled mental health issues after spending three violent years in jail at Rikers Island without ever being convicted of a crime, committed suicide. His family, who believe Browder would still be alive had he not been subjected to “systemic and agonizing mental and physical abuse tantamount to torture” by officers employed by the NYC Department of Corrections, are suing the city of New York for $20 million.

The post-debate consensus is in: “Fox News Moderators Bring a Sharpened Edge to the Republican Debate Stage,” raves the Times. They proved the haters wrong!

Shortly after Donald Trump, a wispy corn husk wrapped around several stacks of sequential hundreds, announced his run for president in June, he suggested his nominee for Secretary of the Treasury would be billionaire businessman Carl Icahn. Icahn initially said he wasn’t interested, but after seeing Trump at last night’s GOP debate, has apparently changed his mind.

The Republican debate held at 5 p.m. last night, which featured the current 11th through 17th most popular GOP candidates in the 2016 field, was perhaps the least consequential national debate in American history. This is, of course, exactly why it was so uniquely satisfying to watch.

It starts around 6:30 a.m—“incessant, almost guttural cooing,” according to Michael Kelly, a 33-year-old opera singer who lives on a usually quiet stretch of 100th Street on the Upper West Side. He’s battling jet lag after a trip to Europe, but every morning for the last couple of weeks, Kelly is wrenched from sleep not by a blaring car alarm or construction noise on the street below, but jackhammering of a different kind: pigeons fucking.

Chris Christie (campaign slogan: Telling It Like It Is) repeatedly told it like it factually is not during last night’s GOP debate, twice claiming that President Bush appointed him U.S. attorney one day before 9/11. That didn’t actually happen.

In an age where elaborately-staged marriage proposals and tearjerking pregnancy reveals are YouTube commonplace, self-proclaimed vloggers must now go to extreme lengths to achieve maximum virality when announcing their most personal family moments online. One man brought this terrifying reality into stark relief Wednesday when he posted a video titled, “HUSBAND SHOCKS WIFE WITH PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENT!”, in which he steals his wife’s urine and subsequently “surprises” her with her own positive pregnancy test.

The Wall Street Journal today states that roughly 30 percent of Americans have a criminal record of some sort. We’ve been over this before, but let’s take this opportunity to discuss exactly why the figure is so horrible. No matter how many times you’ve heard it, 30 percent of 318 million people may feel like an abstract concept, difficult to wrap your head around. The havoc wreaked upon those tens of millions of lives, however, couldn’t be more concrete.

If you’re a conservative state representative having an affair with a colleague, you have a few options. You could fess up, you could keep lying, or, if you’re Michigan State Rep. Todd Courser, you could allegedly try to plant a fake male prostitution story about yourself to deflect attention from your relationship with fellow Tea Party “gladiator” Rep. Cindy Gamrat, news of which you fear is about to break.

Newly released surveillance video may be the key to breaking open a 25-year-old museum heist, the largest and most expensive art theft in U.S. history. Federal officials this week released a tape from the day before $500 million in art was stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston, and it raises new questions about the role of a young security guard on duty at the time.

John McAfee, an entrepreneur once associated with antivirus software and now associated with drugs and tropical murder accusations, is back in the news for illicit reasons. Police in his new home of Tennessee just busted McAfee for DUI and gun possession.

Abercrombie & Fitch has agreed to end its use of “on-call” scheduling, which forces workers to put their lives on hold and come into work on short notice. Banning this practice would be a good thing for a presidential candidate to promise, and then do.

When police departments face criticism, they tend to dig in their heels, deny any wrongdoing, and accuse those who dare to point out their flaws of being crime-humping gang-lovers. That’s all very charming, but it’s nice to see Chicago police experimenting with a different approach.

One delusion common to rich business leaders who are all-powerful figures in their own small domains is the idea that they could lead the whole world just like they lead their business. Example Grande: Howard Schultz.