A "phone threat" has grounded an NYC-bound American Airlines flight in San Francisco.

Attention, bank robbers: if you're trying to rob a Chase branch, and the bank teller just walks away from you rudely, don't be offended—they're just following company policy! Incorporate this knowledge in your future robbery plans. [Daily Intel; Pic]

There aren't a lot of good things about Red Eye. This clip of a man with his face painted like a dog that sings about his love for Jesus is worth watching, if only for the howling midway through.

The fifth episode of Confessions:Animal Hoarding continued profiling and attempting to help people who hoard animals, and the effects it has on not only their life, but those around them. This episode featured Flossie and Cristine.

Missouri Senate candidate Roy Blunt has taken down this web video attacking opponent Robin Carnahan on the "Controversial Ground Zero Mosque" with smoldering World Trade Center destruction imagery. This building in Lower Manhattan is Missouri's top campaign issue, of course.

This morning on Live!, Jennifer Aniston was discussing her Barbara Streisand-inspired Harper's Bazaar photo shoot when, prompted by a, "You played dress up!" remark from Regis Philbin, responded with, "I do it for a living, like a retard." Video inside.

It's amazing that Phillip Shoemaker still works at Apple. The app store director obsessed with porn and escorts, as we reported yesterday, has also used Twitter to attack execs at rival companies and media critics, we've learned.

Do you know what Mormons, like Glenn Beck, believe? That Native Americans are descendants of Israel whom Jesus visited, in America, after the resurrection. Yes! And here Glenn Beck is on his TV show last night hinting at that.

Tai chi benefits! Robot knee replacements! Breast surgery discussions! Wrinkle cream scams! Cross-eyed kids! Diet Coke pregnancy! Smoking in movies! Hyper-ass pesticides! And terror-ass terror birds! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—peckin' and puffin!

Want early access to some of the hottest concerts and events? When you add the Music Pack to your ZYNC from American Express^SM Card, you get:

The Coca-Cola Village, an Israeli theme park for teens, recently introduced RFID bracelets that store every guest's Facebook login/password, allowing them to "Like" physical attractions and tag themselves in photos with nothing but a swipe of the wrist. Video inside.

The announcement that Chelsea Handler would be the host of this year's Video Music Awards came as a surprise to many. Chelsea explains, "When you think of rap music and hip hop, you think of Chelsea Lately." Riiight.

[Dressed as a gypsy surfer who plays roller derby while deejaying on the beach, Shakira powders her nose on the set of her new music video. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Our federal authorities are targeting the very core of American corruption: baseball player Roger Clemens. Clemens reportedly will be indicted for perjuring himself before Congress in a 2008 steroids hearing. Really? A druggy baseball player gets a federal indictment?

Men! Even when they groom like women, they are pigs. Salon interviewed women who wax men's balls. One described a client get so turned on, she had to shoot him with a taser. Another said Christopher Hitchens is weirdly flexible.

This is fun, and surprisingly well done. Here's a trailer for Inebriation, about a man who specializes in "a very specific type of insobriety—unconscious insobriety." Then, he steals stuff from drunk people. Or something like that. Video inside.

We'd been waiting for about an hour at The Plaza theater for The Room to start. We'd seen the movie here a dozen times before but that night was different. That night, Tommy Wiseau was going to be there.

On Wednesday, the E! network re-broadcast this archive footage of a young Scarlett Johansson hamming it up while promoting The Horse Whisperer. Seeing such a glamorous starlet depicted as a goofy, horse-obsessed teenage girl is really quite endearing.

In your comeuppance-laced Thursday media column: Bill O'Reilly tussles with Newsmax, an airline magazine that doesn't suck is discovered, business journalism salaries revealed, and the AP kills the "Ground Zero mosque."

Evidently the foppish gadabout struck the DJ/famous lesbian (sorry for Perez link) in the face sometime this week: "bitch slapped samantha ronson last night- lifetime ban from the standard- superb.", quoth Facebook. Sounds like a great fight to watch, actually!