Tonight, Jon Stewart criticized Fox News' opposition to the "Ground Zero Mosque" by using the network's own terrorism-sniffing standards to brand it a "terrorist command center," and finished with an unlikely (yet extremely poignant) lesson from Charlton Heston. Video inside.

Tonight's Real Housewives of DC saw a burgeoning friendship between the Party-crashing Salahis and the bemused Turners. As usual, the Salahis spent the episode humiliating themselves with awkward dancing and the most nonsensical political babble you'll ever hear.

Holy drama, Batman! Between Rachel's brief return to the house, Ragan's epic battle to stay alive in the game, and the impending doom the Diamond Power of Veto would bring, this week had it all. Tears! Sabotage! Masturbation! Let's go!

This exists: the Snazzy Napper, a "sleep and privacy shield" that "blocks out light." The extra large version even doubles as a blanket! In reality, though, it's possibly the stupidest product we've ever seen advertised. Inside, the secondhand embarrassment-inducing commercial.

Quick: What's the best way for a politician to broadcast short, nearly-incomprehensible missives to the world? No, it's not by hacking into Wolf Blitzer's teleprompter before The Situation Room. Twitter! Here are the seven scientifically-determined "Twitter geniuses" of the Senate.

Pitchmen tonight featured the normal cavalcade of useless inventions (an oven mitt that plays midi music? Really?), followed by an arm-mounted LED flashlight that makes you wonder why you didn't think of it first. Check it out in the video.

Good News: Astronomers say the universe will likely keep expanding forever. Bad news: it will eventually become a "a cold, dead wasteland." This is exactly what happened to [insert name of actor/actress whose precipitous decline was marked by weight gain.]

Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian did a Graduate-themed photo shoot for ELLE's September issue. This really bothers Bill O'Reilly, and he let it be known tonight in a weird segment full of concern, confusion, and sexual references galore. Video inside.

There are many interesting ways to earn a living in our post-industrial economy. Like ranting on camera about your sister being nearly raped. That's what Antoine Dodson did—now he's got a Hot 100 Billboard single!

The details of one's conception are details few want to hear. Kristen Schaal took the opportunity to use the story of her conception for entertainment, with a little help from her parents.

Hey guys, are on you on vacation? Well, you can't be on vacation from watching reality television programs, so come join us while we talk smack about Jersey Shore. It's more restful than a whole week at the beach!

Har har, politicians always lie. Except this Filipino politician. Slogan: "I will do my best but I can't promise anything." His stance on health care? "Sure, health care is a human right. Whaddaya want me to do about it?" (Via)

It's "hat night" on Project Runway—so fetch your best millinery and join us in the comments for our latest live blog. And if you don't have a hat, just pretend you do. We can't see you anyway!

Reuters says Wyclef Jean isn't on the list of government-approved candidates for Haiti's November presidential election, which will be finalized tomorrow. Currently, Haitians only have a measly 34 candidates to choose from. Bet none of them have rented a lion!

The Expendables—starring your favorite '80s-90's action stars— topped the charts last weekend. But which member of the cast is tops when it comes to the number of people he's killed on screen in other movies? Amazing infographic inside.

[The contents of former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's seven storage units in Arlington Heights, Ill.—including this nameplate and life-sized Elvis statue—were auctioned off today to pay for his overdue storage fees. Image via Getty]

The following disclaimer has recently been spotted on Top Chef. While we can question the "reality" of almost all reality shows, it seems Bravo has found a way to cover their asses when they interfere with a show's judging process.

Poor Treasury secretary Tim Geithner. The lifetime government official has never worked for evil Goldman Sachs, but no one will believe him. Will he ever be able to shed this Goldman taint?

Today we looked at how male spanx will destroy men, forever. All of you got chatting about gender dynamics and said interesting things, but one commenter swooped in and really turned the conversation on its head.

Liam Derbyshire, an 11-year-old British lad, has a rare condition that causes him to stop breathing when he sleeps. His parents plug him into life support every night. He's also in remission from cancer. And you think your life's tough!