“Bitches ain’t shit.”

On Facebook, presidential candidate Deez Nuts (a.k.a. 15-year-old Brady Olson) endorsed Democrat Bernie Sanders and Republican John Kasich for their parties’ respective nominations. “This is not for the general election,” he clarified. “I endorse myself for the GE.”

On Saturday, thousands of migrants rushed past baton-wielding Macedonian police, who fired stun grenades into the crowds. Many hundreds remained on the Greek side of the border.

British police say seven people have died after a military jet participating in the Shoreham Airshow crashed on Saturday afternoon.

Three Americans, including two off-duty service members, are being praised as heroes after apprehending a suspected terrorist on a high-speed train traveling from Amsterdam to Paris. The Americans rushed the suspect and knocked him unconscious with his own AK-47, the New York Times reports.

St. Louis’ chief medical examiner said Friday that an 18-year-old man shot by police died from a bullet that entered the middle of his back, the New York Times reports. Police said they shot Mansur Ball-Bey after he pointed a gun at officers.

The popular Christian vlogger Sam Rader—best known for “surprising” his wife with her own positive pregnancy test in a viral video—has admitted to using an account on the cheating website Ashley Madison. In a YouTube video with his wife Nia by his side, Sam claims that God has forgiven him for seeking extramarital sexual partners online.

A federal officer was shot this afternoon outside a federal building in Manhattan’s West Village. The suspect was also wounded and has reportedly been arrested.

A man was arrested in Arras, France, today after allegedly shooting an automatic weapon on a high-speed train from Amsterdam to Paris, injuring three people. The shooting was reportedly halted when two American passengers overpowered the suspect.

The popular Christian vlogger Sam Rader—best known for “surprising” his wife with her own positive pregnancy test in a viral video—had a paid account on the cheating website Ashley Madison in 2013, the Daily Mail reports. Sam is a leader in a new industry of online evangelism, posting daily videos of his upstanding, Jesus-loving family for hundreds of thousands of subscribers.

Yesterday, I wrote about a recent taping Steve Harvey held in Chicago for his daytime talk show. Harvey brought 2,000 men into a theatre for a special devoted to “What Men Really Think,” and things quickly, even predictably, turned sour. Men in the audience allegedly drowned out female speakers with catcalls and hurled slurs of all types at both women and men present.

“Fantasy Football” can mean a number of things: A game; a football-related fantasy; your dream football. If this fall it means, for you, “a game,” even though you don’t know too much about football and aren’t sure why you agreed to participate in the fantasy version, I have a few tips.

A reporter who says she informed on Jared Fogle to the FBI claims she also tried to warn Subway that the face of their company had been making sexual comments about her two young children, but “never did hear back from them.”

Days after journalist Dee Barnes published a first-hand account of the abuse she suffered at the hands of Dr. Dre, the famed producer and current Apple consultant has issued an apology. “Twenty-five years ago I was a young man drinking too much and in over my head with no real structure in my life,” he said in a statement to the New York Times. “However, none of this is an excuse for what I did.”

Stock markets in America and around the world are cratering again today, just like yesterday. Chinese slowdown, oil glut, commodities rout. Time to panic? Sure, maybe.

Humble Shining Sun Who Lights Our Path, Honorable Leader Kim Jong Un, has put North Korea on war footing over South Korea’s outrageous imperialist puppeteer provocations. To the barricades, fellow well-fed anti-imperialists!

Twenty years ago, Friday and Species were blowing up at the box office. Groove Theory’s “Tell Me” and Notorious B.I.G’s “One More Chance (Remix)” were in heavy rotation on my Sony Walkman. I had just graduated from high school in Philadelphia and was finally dealing with my sexuality. This was the summer sex workers taught me how to hustle.

At a party in June at the University of Central Florida, a woman secretly recorded Sigma Nu brothers chanting “rape, rape,” “let’s rape some bitches,” and “let’s rape some sluts.” Upon receiving the video in July, UCF suspended the frat, but a university panel ruled yesterday that the bros didn’t do anything wrong.

“Where’s Kylie?” asked the sun­drunk and just drunk­drunk shirtless man wandering around the inside of the open-air club. “I wanna ram her ass!”