Take his words of advice, people: Paul F. Tompkins tells us why partaking in a smoke session before having a party can be detrimental to the entire night.

Banking on the world's assumption that Lindsay Lohan has, at this point, tried every drug on the planet, News of the World today published some blast-from-the-past photos depicting America's favorite trainwreck kissing Paris Hilton and shooting heroin, allegedly.

A virus "capable of seizing control of industrial plants" has infected the computers at an Iranian nuclear power station. Someone call Sarah Connor.

The race for Florida's Eighth Congressional District is getting dirty! Democratic Congressman Alan Grayson has a new television ad attacking his GOP opponent, Dan Webster, and it's pretty nasty: "Taliban Dan Webster: Hands off our body –- and our laws."

Comcast said today it will replace outgoing NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker with Comcast COO Stephen Burke, when Zucker leaves at the end of the year. Comcast hopes Burke will lead NBC into "a new era of growth." [Bloomberg]

Justice Department officials took the controversial step yesterday of invoking the government's state secret privilege to try and dismiss a terrorism lawsuit over the "targeted killing" of a U.S. citizen.

Gawker wedding expert Phyllis Nefler has some thoughts, and those thoughts include pigs in a blanket and the bleakness of the bouquet toss.

Lindsay Lohan, apparently fed up with partying, is going to rehab "within days," according to TMZ.

A study from the University of London has found that because people in urban areas "intermingle far more closely," city dwellers are more resistant to disease.

[An amused Bill Clinton campaigned for Democratic Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal in Connecticut today. Clinton is probably laughing because Blumenthal is battling wrestling queen Linda McMahon for the seat. Image via AP]

The hooker who will soon feel the wrath of David Beckham's legal team, Irma Nici, is a total liar, says UK tabloid News of the World. The funniest part of the story? They call In Touch a "downmarket" magazine. Ha!

90s in the best way, Go features Katie Holmes in her "Dawson's Creek Prime," Jay Mohr when he was skinny, and a good old-fashioned rave. It's the story of a drug deal gone wrong told from different points of view.

Journalism student Chelsea Kate Isaacs got in an email pissing contest with Apple CEO Steve Jobs because the company's PR department wouldn't give her a comment for a class assignment. She tells us she got a "B/B+" on the paper.

The hottest banker of all time, Debrahlee Lorenzana is back in the news cycle! The super-sexy financial wiz spoke to the Daily News, telling the paper, "I don't want to be famous. I try to stay away from that." Sure!

Last night's Saturday Night Live was good, featuring a fictional meeting between crazy Delaware GOP Senate nominee Christine O'Donnell and Republican strategists. In it, O'Donnell loves masturbating and used to hold dogfights "much better than Michael Vick."

The Karaoke World Championships are over! An American telephone engineer, Edward Pimentel won over the audience, receiving the the most fan votes for a prestigious prize of one million Russian dumplings. The judges chose two Finns for first place.

Katy Perry has a date with an alcoholic cartoon character. Octomom held a yard sale. Michael Lohan said something about God. And will someone please get old man Kelsey Grammer some underwear? Sunday Gossip Roundup is going commando.

The Pentagon held a book burning last week, destroying 9,500 copies of this memoir.

So this turtle really doesn't like cats. Watch as the obnoxious little reptile takes a bite out of numerous furry felines, who are just minding their own business. It's what cats do.

Homophobic preacher Eddie Long—accused of all sorts of naughty, gross things—took to the pulpit of his megachurch, saying he'll fight everything: "I feel like David against Goliath, but I've got five rocks and I haven't thrown one yet."