Public Service Announcement to all you hardy adventurers, beachcombers, and cryptozoologists out there: no, you did not just find another Montauk Monster. You're not even in Montauk.

If this cold, rainy day makes you miss summer, this video of some college kids vaulting themselves into a pond may make you miss it more. Guess this is just one more thing to add to our bucket lists!

Sen. Jim DeMint says that even though "no one" came to his defense in 2004 after he said that gay people and unwed mothers should be banned from teaching, "everyone" quietly told him not to back down from his position.

In this week's episode, The Good Guys poke fun at documentary-style police procedurals with a CSI so nerdy that he spent the better part of a decade playing an alien on Star Trek.

Ev Williams is resigning his post as CEO of Twitter after two years and handing the reins to chief operating officer — and Twitter board favorite — Dick Costolo, confirming reports of Williams' impending exit we first surfaced in July.

On last nights episode of Undercover Boss, CEO Kim Shaefer experienced life on the other side of her resort company. Already struggling, life got that much worse when a double whistle resounded, indicating the dreaded A.F.R.—Accidental Fecal Release.

Constantly masturbating hobbit-witch Christine O'Donnell, Delaware Senate candidate, knows all too much about China, and she doesn't trust them one lick. During a primary debate for her 2006 Senate run, for example, she warned: "They've got something up their sleeve."

Laptop burns! Pizza frequencies! Drug trial speed! Knife-throwing wonder! Drill-less cavities! Rabies alert! Minorities in science! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—so single-mindedly we scarcely notice the hot item roasting our poor flesh!

On American Dad's 100th episode, Hayley runs away with her ex-boyfriend Jeff, prompting Stan to offer a $50,000.00 reward to anyone who can stop the impending elopement. Most importantly, however, Roger trips on amphetamines while driving down the highway.

[Kourtney Kardashian and Kim Kardashian film a scene for their reality show at family fashion boutique Dash's new New York location. Image via Splash.]

Planet Fitness has cleverly released commercials poking fun at typical gym rats. They remind us a bit of the Old Spice Ads with Terry Crews, don't you agree? It's probably due to all the yelling and man-boob bouncing...

Rahm Emanuel, who was the second most powerful person in Washington just a few days ago, is now merely harassing commuters on Chicago subway platforms to kick off his mayoral campaign. Watch as the commuters react with indifference, mostly!

The Today Show investigated idiots who call 911 centers for ridiculous reasons. Will 911 provide you with a police helicopter to the Lil Wayne concert, help you with your stolen marijuana or speed up Burger King service?

Stand-up comedian Ralphie May got busted for carrying pot in Guam's airport because he walked up to the drug-sniffing dog and tried to play with it. In case you're wondering, that's a bad idea when you're carrying.

Daily Profile: Geraldo Rivera

Should there be a fatwa against Deepak Chopra? USA Today investigates.

"Every time something good happens, something bad happens," could sum up the action of every Mad Men episode, but what happens when you can't tell the good from the bad or the personal from the professional? Total chaos ensues.

Rush Limbaugh actually lent his own voice for Family Guy's episode about the Republican party. He and John McCain solves a Scooby Doo-style mystery, George W. Bush acts like a child, and a GOP-themed musical number, inside.

Today — Monday, October 4th, 2010 — the E! network's flagship, E! News, will expand to a full hour, as Ryan Seacrest's empire gradually absorbs the entirety of the solar system. Its companion program, The Daily Ten, has been canceled.

One heroic, honest—too honest Barron's staffer announced that he had bedbugs in his apartment building. Now the entire Wall Street Journal headquarters are on edge. Fearmongering company email, below.