A routine snack-snatching turned violent on Tuesday when a Detroit man confronted a potato chip thief and was shot in the groin, WXYZ reports.

Harris Faulkner, co-host of Fox News’ Outnumbered, filed a $5 million lawsuit this week over “Harris Faulkner,” plastic hamster, alleging that toymaker Hasbro “willfully and wrongfully” appropriated her persona when creating the same-named member of their “Littlest Pet Shop” line.

According to a Texas sheriff, investigators are reviewing a second video of a San Antonio man who was shot and killed by police while appearing to surrender on Friday, one that shows what they believe to be a knife in his hand.

Taylor Swift, America’s cool freshman roommate and prominent part of this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, did not partake in cocaine backstage at this year’s VMAs, contrary to claims made about a video that circulated on the web today.

A judge ruled this afternoon that the six officers charged in the death of Freddie Gray will be tried separately. Earlier today, Judge Barry Williams rejected defense motions to dismiss the charges against the officers and refused to recuse State’s Attorney Marilyn J. Mosby from the case.

If this is your first time hearing of the white rapper named Post Malone then it probably wasn’t how he would have planned it, with a video of him saying “nigga” discovered by a message board and then posted on YouTube for the world to see.

The Guardian today, picking up on a paper in Nature, reports that scientists have calculated that there are more than “3tn” trees on Earth. The “3tn” means three trillion. What does “trillion” mean in British English? Did they give up on that “billion”-means-“trillion”/“trillion”-means-“quintillion” nonsense yet? Whew, yes. There are more than 3,000,000,000,000 trees.

Rachel Dolezal, 37, a divorced, unemployed mother of one, has announced she’s pregnant with her second child. Love. Motherhood. A prominent career in racial justice. A medium Mystic Tan. Dreadlocks. Can a white woman have it all in 2015?

When hackers dumped an unfathomably large trove of internal materials from Sony Pictures on the internet last December, it created a feeding frenzy among reporters—unless you worked at the New York Times, which took a moral stance against touching stolen goods. Today, the Times has a big story explicitly based on material from that leak. So what changed?

Wednesday morning, Judge Barry Williams refused to drop the charges against the six Baltimore police officers accused of being responsible for Freddie Gray’s death. Williams also denied a motion to recuse Baltimore State’s Attorney Marilyn J. Mosby from the case.

A federal judge ruled Tuesday that the California Uber drivers suing the company for employee benefits can proceed with their lawsuit as a class action. District Court Judge Edward Chen certified a class of plaintiffs that includes “all UberBlack, UberX, and UberSUV drivers who have driven for Uber in the state of California at any time since August 16, 2009”—as many as 160,000 people.

That the internet is a miserable place is rarely still disputed. The New York Times ran an article about it in 2012—which suggests most of the rest of us had been aware of it since 2006. Depression itself has been a favorite topic of the internet for at least as long: crudely drawn comics with facile punchlines have achieved wild popularity. This taste of the internet’s consumers suggests that the internet itself is what is depressing us. That consumer and producer alike fail again and again to make this connection is also typical of depression.

For 90 minutes this morning, Long Island Rail Road service was suspended coming into and going out of Penn Station due to “signal trouble.” For 90 minutes this morning, LIRR riders inundated the E, 7, and 2/3 subway lines, as the MTA cross-honored their LIRR fares. For 90 minutes this morning, Satan was released from his prison, deceiving the nations in the four corners of the earth—LIRR and MTA—to gather them for battle.

Russell Taylor, the former director of Jared Fogle’s anti-childhood obesity charity who yesterday pleaded guilty to child pornography charges, once tried to lure a woman to his house to have sex with an animal, according to court documents obtained by the Indy Star.

A woman who pulled a gun on three teenagers in a suburban St. Louis park last Wednesday claimed it was just for self-defense, but said she would have used the weapon if she had to. The incident was the climax of a neighborhood dispute that had been building since earlier that day, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported.

“Hey, can the window stay down for now? I like it down, thanks.”

The son of a high-ranking Baltimore police commander was arrested on Tuesday after officials say he stabbed his roommate multiple times, killing him, WJZ-TV reports.

Three California deputies who repeatedly punched and kicked an apparently subdued suspected horse thief on live television earlier this year have been charged with assault by a police officer, the L.A. Times reports.

On Tuesday, the former director of Jared Fogle’s anti-childhood obesity charity pled guilty to 12 counts of child exploitation and one count of distributing and receiving child pornography, charges related to an alleged conspiracy with the disgraced Subway spokesperson, The Washington Post reports.

Artist and programmer Nick Rindo, whose medium of choice is various plant seeds, created a portrait of accused sexual predator Bill Cosby out of canola seeds and submitted it to the Minnesota State Fair. But it didn’t take the fair organizers long to realize that the rape portrait had not fallen far from the rape plant.