As you are no doubt aware, Southern butter wholesaler Waffle House just served its one billionth waffle.

In what could be termed as a serious power grab—or, alternatively, lawful compliance with a judge’s orders—a deputy Kentucky clerk says he’ll ensure couples can get married in his county, despite the best efforts of his anti-gay boss, Kim Davis.

The global discussion about cutting carbon emissions often centers on how much it would cost in the short term. But in the long term, trillions of dollars could be saved.

Arizona police say motorists should be “hyper vigilant” on a Phoenix highway, where a presumed sniper has been shooting at drivers almost daily for the last two weeks.

According to the AP, a jury has recommended the death sentence for Frazier Glenn Miller, the white supremacist convicted of murdering three people at Jewish community centers last year. During closing arguments, Miller reportedly told the jury, “Frankly my dears, I don’t give a damn,” and gave a Nazi salute.

On Tuesday, three California jail deputies were charged with what their boss called the “vile and cowardly” murder of Michael Tyree, a homeless man who was found beaten death in his cell last month while awaiting transfer to a mental health facility.

Variety regrets the error.

An unnamed Michigan Tech student who’s been giving interviews under the alias “Mark” got blackout drunk Friday night and stumbled home to his roommate. This would hardly be news—Mark puts his pants on one leg at a time and drinks to sloppy excess just like the rest of us—but when Mark puts his pants on and drinks to sloppy excess, he designs entire fucking airplanes.

In a new interview with ABC’s David Muir, Hillary Clinton offers what resembles an apology for her use of a secret personal email server. This probably won’t do much to help her.

The publisher of the LA Times, Austin Beutner, has been fired by Tribune Co., which was reportedly unhappy with his performance. Beutner’s goodbye note can be read here. If you know any behind-the-scenes dirt, email us.

Instagram’s walking Entourage, Dan Bilzerian, enjoys many things—money, women, hurling women off his roof—but perhaps the thing he enjoys most is firearms. He owns many, many guns, and they’re quite well-documented on his social media accounts. That’s how an alleged burglar or burglars must have known right where to go during a break-in at Bilzerian’s leased Hollywood Hills mansion Friday night.

Stop what you are doing right this minute and prepare yourself for the arrival of thoroughly shocking news: John McPhee has written a ponderous New Yorker story about the process of writing itself.

In a past age, the American robber baron class would combat bad publicity by building a library or calling in the Pinkertons. Today, Silicon Valley’s captains of industry convince people they’re not a horror-show money vampires simply by growing cool beards.

Kim Davis, the Kentucky county clerk and Christian conservative hero who went to jail last week for refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, was ordered released by a federal judge today.

Cool Pope Francis announced today he is overhauling the arduous process of obtaining a marriage annulment in the Church. A marriage annulment, if you don’t know, is like an official Church divorce that allows you to get remarried without being considered—by God and all who follow Him—a sinful adulterer. Getting an annulment used to be a long, expensive ordeal involving all kinds of bishops and Vatican tribunals, but now it will be quick and dirty. Cool!

A real estate website marketing expensive luxury condos in Fort Greene, Brooklyn boasts that former neighborhood residents “include household names like Malcolm X.” In fact Malcolm X never lived in Brooklyn, though he did love gentrification.

Last week, a Baltimore judge upheld charges against six city police officers in relation to the April death of Freddie Gray and also ruled that each would go to trial individually. In the meantime, the city has agreed to pay Gray’s family $6.4 million.

A group gathered at Brooklyn’s Fools Gold’s Day Off party on Monday was interrupted by a strange, chilling occurrence. Though no one of this realm seemed to be performing at the time, a ghastly voice rang out over the venue’s sound system, telling a man in the crowd to puuut dooown his Draaake siiign.

Hello, Donald Trump supporters. Donald Trump believes that you are very fucking dumb. And you are proving him correct.

Chris Christie, the New Jersey governor who wants to be president of the United States but won’t, appeared on MSNBC’s Morning Joe Tuesday. When asked how he would manage New York City if he were mayor, Christie said “Stop and Frisk would be back in about five minutes.” Luckily for us, he is not mayor of New York City.