Montez Spradley, who was convicted of murder and spent nearly ten years in prison in Alabama—including more than three years on Death Row—has been released from prison, his conviction overturned. Gawker published a letter from Spradley in 2013.

Looking for a low-calorie, refreshing way to hasten your impending death? Why not try a cucumber—an easy way to play Russian dressing roulette with your salad—and your life.

“I like it. A lot of good things. I don’t want to talk to you now, but lot of good things. A lot of good points,” said Donald Trump, man of principle, when Reason asked for his views on Libertarianism yesterday. When asked to name a single specific thing he likes about the ideology, Trump demurred.

The saga of the three children jailed by a judge for refusing to see their allegedly abusive father has taken a strange twist since it played out in a Michigan courtroom in July: the kids now live with their dad after five days of intensive, controversial therapy to make them like him again.

*******PRECIOUS SILENCE*******

The NYPD officer who tackled and handcuffed retired tennis player James Blake has been placed on desk duty in the wake of his headline-generating mistake, the New York Times reports.

A suspected drug dealer was charged with unlawfully carrying a weapon this week after police allegedly found a fully-loaded .22 caliber handgun in her vagina, USA Today reports.

Judging by their use of “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” at a Tea Party rally today, Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are huge fans of seminal alt-rockers R.E.M. Unfortunately for them, the feeling isn’t mutual.

On Wednesday, three brothers ranging in age from 8 to 12 were found stabbed to death in the backseat of an SUV near a South Los Angeles elementary school, KTLA reports.

This week, an unlicensed cosmetic surgeon pled guilty to reckless manslaughter for injecting silicone into a New Jersey man’s penis, killing him, the Associated Press reports.

At the end of the day, our impossible Apple quiz seems to have proven there’s no way to tell the difference between the iPhone hype of 2015 and the iPhone hype of 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, or 2014. And that three of you are dirty cheaters. Here are the results.

Derek Myers, a television reporter with NBC affiliate WVLA in Baton Rouge, was fired from the network Tuesday after asking U.S. Senator and Louisiana gubernatorial candidate David Vitter about his admitted history of patronizing prostitutes. Myers believes that he was terminated because Vitter’s campaign threatened to pull $250,000 in advertising from WVLA over the confrontation.

School was scheduled to start Wednesday for more than 50,000 Seattle students, but they’re all staying home or heading back to day camps because Seattle Public Schools has asked teachers to work longer hours, with less recess, for a minimal increase in pay. The teachers, who have gone six years without even a cost-of-living increase, are not having it. They’re on strike for the first time in 30 years.

In a post from a few days ago that could just have easily been written at any point over the past seven years, Mashable proclaimed that Apple might be working on a thinner iPhone. No shit. New things are better than old things. Upgrades are made with better parts and built to be more efficient. This will happen every. single. year.

A 24-year-old Texas woman pleaded guilty this week to producing and starring in gruesome “animal crush” porn videos that showed her torturing and killing animals, including cats and dogs.

Late last month, a strange file appeared on an Amazon server belonging to the Heritage Foundation, an influential Washington, D.C.-based think tank that remains widely regarded as one of the country’s most serious and respectable conservative institutions. The file—which appears to have been unintentionally uploaded by a Heritage staffer, rather than obtained by an intruder—offers a remarkable window into how Heritage maintains this reputation. It contains hundreds of emails and thousands of pages of internal fundraising reports documenting how the foundation navigated the flood of conservative conspiracy-mongering that followed Obama’s election in 2008, and how its staffers discussed the increasingly bizarre ideologies of its donor class with puzzlement and occasional derision.

For the modern man, venturing through life as if you were living in the 1880s and ‘90s would be no easy feat. If you were Jesse James, you would always be worried about getting killed by Robert Ford; if you were a writer, you would no doubt be jealous of Mark Twain; plus the clothing was very heavy. This has not stopped writer Sarah A. Chrisman and her husband from trying, however.

Guess what, those swarming insects aren’t the only bugs on the Burning Man playa these days.

This article purporting to show that Queen Elizabeth “isn’t as rich as you think” reports that Queen Elizabeth is worth $425 million. Still seems like a lot, all things considered.

Every year since 2007, Apple has held an event to unveil its new iPhone. And every year since 2007, professional technology reporters have fallen over themselves to tell you how Apple’s latest gadget is just like the one you already have, but a little bit better. This version is “not a game-changer,” they’ll write, but it has a slightly different shape or a camera or whatever.