A Florida man looking to score drugs was arrested this month after police say he mistakenly texted the captain of the Martin County Sheriff’s Narcotics Unit, The Washington Post reports.

12 people were killed and 10 more were injured on Sunday when Egyptian anti-terror forces attacked a Mexican tourist convoy they believed to be militants, Reuters reports.

Authorities in Ottawa say they’re investigating a viral video that appears to show a taxi driver berating and menacing an Uber driver and his fare, CBC News reports.

An Oregon man described by JetBlue as “an intoxicated customer” was arrested for criminal mischief and offensive littering on Friday after police say he urinated on several passengers, their seats and their luggage during a red-eye flight to Portland.

A former Denver radio personality has filed a lawsuit against Taylor Swift, the Associated Press reports. David Mueller was fired after being accused of inappropriately touching Swift while taking a photograph with her and his girlfriend.

“Had a record crowd in Boone, Iowa,” Donald Trump captioned a photo taken in Ames, Iowa, and uploaded to Facebook, with the student section at Saturday’s football game between Iowa State and Iowa Universities. Wrong on both counts!

A video of high school cheerleaders performing a routine commemorating the 14th anniversary of the 9/11/2001 terror attacks, uploaded to Facebook on Friday, has been viewed almost 19 million times, BuzzFeed News reports.

“I learned everything about love from movies. Love had a sexy soundtrack. Love was forever... I wanted that sort of big love. My favorite romantic formula was the best-friends-falling-in-love pattern, à la Chandler and Monica in ‘Friends’ or Ron and Hermione in ‘Harry Potter.’” You might guess where this is heading.

On Saturday afternoon, a crazed woman attacked one of Times Square’s topless women, or desnudas, punching her and calling her a “nasty whore,” the New York Post reports. Both women were arrested.

Three inmates were killed and five injured when rioting broke out on Saturday at Cimarron Correctional Facility in Cushing, Oklahoma, the New York Times reports. “The disturbance was inmate-on-inmate,” a spokesman said. “No lethal force was used by staff.”

In a stunning victory, the far left “Old Labour” (contra the “New Labour” of Tony Blair and Gordon Brown) candidate Jeremy Corbyn has been elected leader of the United Kingdom’s Labour Party.

“I don’t think he deserves to have a badge,” former tennis star James Blake said of the New York City cop who wrongly tackled and handcuffed him on Wednesday. “I hope he can never do that again under the shield of the New York Police Department.”

“The throwaway moments of the zeitgeist feel heavier now, or somehow more full, but maybe this is just what getting older has always felt like, at any moment in time. How could you ever tell?” This is a lovely essay on time, the Internet, and penises.

On Friday, a small plane carrying members of the crew of a Tom Cruise movie ran into bad weather while flying from the town of Santa Fe de Antioquia to Medellin and crashed in the Colombian Andes. Two people were killed and one was seriously injured, the Associated Press reports.

At least 82 people were killed after a large explosion caused the collapse of several buildings in central India on Saturday, the New York Times reports. It is unclear what caused the explosion.

In a statement Friday, Subway said that it had received a “serious” complaint about company spokesman Jared Fogle, who agreed last month to plead guilty to allegations that he paid for sex with underage girls and had received child pornography, but that the complaint did not imply criminal sexual activity.

After, let’s say, weeks of campaigning, Texas politician Rick Perry (sp?) has apparently dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. Few people remember, but this comes almost four years after another “Rick Perry” — a fellow Texan, no less — also dropped out of the race for the Republican nomination. Coincidence?

Bobby Jindal and whatever remaining social media-literate staff he has left have spent the last 24 hours doing their best impression of a Trump smear campaign, calling the time-displaced Sopranos extra “not serious,” “a narcissist, “an egomaniac,” “a carnival act,” “a very weak and small person,” and “dangerous.” All of which are both true and perhaps some of the most honest, biting, and uninhibited criticism of Trump to come from a GOP candidate yet—from a proud anti-gay exorcist, no less.

What would Donald Trump be like as president? Probably a lot like what he’s like as a father—creepy, controlling and inappropriate as hell. OMG DAD GET OUT OF MY ROOM, the country will probably scream—to no avail. ‘Cause he likes what he sees and he’s not done looking.