The president's oil spill commission says money did not influence BP's safety decisions before the Gulf oil spill.

—Charlie Sheen talking about his recent coke-fueled evening which led him to destroy a room at the Plaza while a porn star locked herself in the bathroom. [Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

Wax those handlebars, boys, this lady's got a thing for lip-ticklers. Or if you prefer gals with that sneaky-hot librarian look, we'll introduce you to a junior CSI whose bedazzled blouse barely contains her Bobbsey Twins.

Newly emboldened Tea Party members in Fountain Hills, Arizona are strongly protesting their town council's decision to hire a single trash hauler and start a curbside pickup program for recycling, complaining that leaders are "taking a leap toward socialism." [via]

Single Tear Man is not a dude of many words. However, he still manages to melt our hearts. Watch the clip to see Nancy Grace move this noble man to tears. Well, one tear.

Old-fashioned STD tests are too slow and awkward for British youth, so the government's funding a computer chip you pee on and attach to your phone for an instant diagnosis. You don't even have to leave your favorite nightclub bathroom!

Charming Italian opera tenor Vittorio Grigolo-perhaps the most charming man alive-went on Charlie Rose to sing and ramble. It was great! The best part was when he told Charlie "I love you." Okay, maybe not that way.

Joan Walsh is stepping down as Salon's editor to write a book. Kerry Lauerman's replacing her.

On American Dad last night Barry went as Jonah Hill — or, with a simple wardrobe change, Seth Rogen. Who knew?! Plus, the most flagrant pop up house decoration airing on network primetime.

West Virginia Senator-elect Joe Manchin, the only Democratic candidate this year to literally shoot a Democratic bill with a gun for a campaign ad, is receiving Republican offers to switch sides now. Don't you want to play for winners, Joe?

The author of The War For Late Night spoke today about the battle for the Tonight Show. Carter previously penned the tale of Letterman's battle against Leno for the show, and this next installment sounds as fantastic as the first.

Martin Erzinger, a wealthy money manager at Morgan Stanley, struck and seriously injured a bicyclist with his Mercedes in Colorado last summer—and fled the scene. But Erzinger's getting off with a misdemeanor, because a felony could hurt his career.

"Jump You F*cker" by the Kleptones, a mashup of the summer hit "F*ck you" by Cee Lo and the legendary "Jump" by Van Halen. The respective videos blend back and forth while the beat pushes steadily onward.

A new study shows that two-thirds of restaurant workers go to work when sick, meaning customers are exposed to disgusting working class germs. The outrage! It's almost as if restaurant workers don't get paid if they don't go to work.

This morning, Dina Lohan appeared once again (remember this?) on The Today Show for an interview with Matt Lauer about her troubled daughter, Lindsay. During the chat, Lohan admitted—openly—that Lindsay is, in fact, an addict. Shocker! Watch inside.

In your icy Monday media column: Fox News anonymice reveal obvious scandals, turmoil at Essence, Bernie Sanders is moved to insanity by Keith Olbermann, Peter Chernin's big plans, and Euna Lee says she considered suicide in prison.

This week, The Soup had plenty of ridiculous TV moments to choose from: Oprah and Gayle King's attempt at roughing it, Charlie Sheen, Cher and Chastity Bono, My Big Friggin' Wedding, and a hilarious clip from Extra's poorly-planned extrawork.

The Fine Brothers, our favorite spoiler-heavy video makers, are back with something new—and different! Watch as a bunch of kids are subjected to several famous viral videos—from Chris Crocker to the Trololo Song—to get their hilariously innocent reactions.

This is Colleen Thomas, a home health administrator turned physicist who specializes in the science of creation. She is also the "mother" of a race of good aliens here on Earth to defend humans from lizard people. Yes, lizard people!

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs threatened to call off negotiations with Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh today after three U.S. reporters were barred from covering the meeting. "Angry words" were shared, but Indian officials finally relented. Image via AP.