Barbara Walters' annual televised celebrity kiss fest, "Most Fascinating People," has anointed this year's chosen ones. As tends to be the case with objects of popular fascination, most of them are scourges of the earth. Let us rate Babs' choices.

New research indicates that Christopher Columbus was the son of a Polish king! "How many explorers does it take to mistake the Bahamas for China?" would be an inappropriate response. Give up some respect. Who's your daddy now, America? (Poland.)

On Watch What Happens Live, Kandi Burruss of the Real Housewives of Atlanta was coerced into playing a sex quiz with her mother. The segment ended with the presentation of a very disturbing gift. Watch what happened, after the jump.

The Hollywood rumor mill says James Franco and Anne Hathaway will host the next Oscars. We can support Hathaway handling hosting duties, but who wants Franco turning the Gay Superbowl into his personal performance art project? Update: It's official.

If you had a lackluster year, an overcooked turkey, or endured Aunt Mildred's wrath at dinner, please be reminded: you could be eating jellybeans with Peppermint Patty. So, grab some leftovers and wake up Auntie. Charlie Brown is back again!

McDonald's U.S. Happy Meal sales are greater than total sales at IHOP or Dairy Queen.

Fiji Water announced it's shutting down operations in Fiji after the government imposed a harsh new tax on water bottling and had a Fiji Water executive deported. Where on earth will they ever find more water for their square bottles?

We're living in the future! Decades ago, we dreamt about life with the technology used today. Is it not what you thought it would be? Let this video re-contextualize just how amazing life is for you, man of the future.

Last night was the first preview performance of the new Julie Taymor/U2 Broadway jam Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, the much-plagued musical about Peter Parker and his super-villain enemies. So how'd it go? Well, please stand by for technical difficulties.

Irvin Kershner, the director of Empire Strikes Back (and camp classic The Eyes of Laura Mars), has died after a long illness. He was 87 and will be missed far more than the Ewoks or Jar Jar Binks.

According to bombshells Erin Heatherton and Chanel Iman, being "too skinny ... isn't sexy" and runway preparation entails eating "a lot, a lot." Are these responses genuine or an attempt to lessen the focus on the industry's harsh beauty standards?

Who are the real victims of our government's Puritan frenzy to ban Four Loko for good? College kids—who the ban is supposed to help—and hardworking small businesspersons. Paging the Republican Congress! Your wedge issue is here!

The actor Tairy Green is here to inform you that the Tim & Eric Chrimbus Special has been given the prestigious "Tairy Green Seal Of Approval!" Unfortunately, something goes terribly awry with the trumpets during the disclosure of this news.

Britney and Jamie Lynn give thanks for french fries. "Kim Kardashian is dead," but it's only a publicity stunt. Portia de Rossi walks all over Ricky Martin. Monday gossip is sick of leftover turkey.

Their break up just got nasty because he started dating her famous rival. This comedian is hooked on a fishy medical procedure, and this tabloid journalist is up to some shady stuff. Stop the presses!

Despite being weighed down by heaps of cranberry sauce and Brussels sprouts (those are everyone's favorite Thanksgiving foods, right?), people managed to haul themselves out to the multiplexes to do their American duty this weekend. And they mostly wanted fantasy.

Missed this episode? Find it. Watch it. I don't say this often. This episode did a great job at getting the age-old Thanksgiving message, "Americans: Stop Being A-holes and Give Thanks Already" through to us and our ungrateful offspring.

Getting punched in the jaw now automatically constitutes a "bias crime." (In Williamsburg.)

Charles Bronson is sick of hipsters' condescending glances and unnecessary headbands, and he and his unironic mustache aren't going to take it anymore. Keep an eye out for a Jeff Goldblum cameo!

The amorphous "Magazine Industry" continues its Quixotic—nay, nonsensical quest to save itself from decline by placing ads that urge people to read magazines into magazines, which the people in question are, necessarily, already reading.