Cameron Poetzscher is Uber’s head of corporate development. And, according to a lawsuit filed yesterday in San Francisco Superior Court, he repeatedly sexually harassed his live-in nanny by masturbating, exposing himself, and asking for “handwork.”

This Friday Bill Cosby will have to answer questions about an alleged attack on a 15-year-old girl, but his sworn testimony won’t be public—for a little while at least.

The Alpha Tau Omega chapter at Indiana University is suspended tonight, after a video depicting what looks like a horrific hazing ceremony surfaced on Twitter. In it, a student appears to be forced to perform oral sex on a woman—it’s unclear if either is consenting.

“It’s hard to keep all that political mumbo-jumbo terminology straight sometimes!” thought Ben Carson as he wrapped up another stellar interview this week.

When you’re busy running world’s second-largest media conglomerate, rummaging through the private lives of celebrities, and accusing an entire religion of violence, it’s hard to remember exactly who is the sitting president of the United States, or, for that matter, what he looks like. Rupert Murdoch, for one, won’t be bothered with such petty details.

There’s a new sheriff in the well-maintained upper-middle class suburb of Jeopardy!, and he’s perhaps the best showman the series has seen since the “DANKEY KANG” contestant.

President Obama has officially apologized for the disastrous airstrike that killed 22 people, including a dozen doctors and three children, at a hospital in Kunduz, Afghanistan last weekend.

Lovers of crabs, look no further. We’ve got all the crabs you need, right here and right now.

Matthew Keys, the Twitter power user who made a name for himself as the former deputy social media editor at Reuters, has been found guilty of three criminal counts in federal court. He faces 25 years in prison for facilitating the defacement of the LA Times’ website.

U.S. Sen. Harry Reid just snapped over the snap of a snappy rubber band, and he’s not snapping back from it any time soon.

A woman with a gun and a concealed-carry license opened fire on a shoplifter Tuesday afternoon as security chased the man out of an Auburn Hills, Mich. Home Depot, the Detroit Free Press reports. No one appeared to be injured, and the shooter is cooperating with police.

By now, you’ve almost definitely seen the video of Luke Gatti, the underage, belligerently drunk UConn student who got arrested and reportedly expelled in his quest for “some fucking bacon jalapeño mac and cheese.” But what magical pasta preparation could possibly be worth all the trouble this asshole of a kid went to? We got the recipe from UConn to find out.

Ben Carson, a celebrated neurosurgeon credited as the first surgeon to successfully separate twins conjoined at the head, has had his share of allegedly severe missteps, according to a new report from the National Enquirer. The investigation allegedly uncovered six malpractice lawsuits against the candidate, one of which accused him of leaving a sponge in a patient’s brain.

You can’t cover up your personality flaws all of the time. One time you can, though, is when you’re using Twitter. Do not let this incredible opportunity pass you by.

Cool weather is coming, and with that means a rush of new customers for retailers such as Urban Outfitters, which in an email yesterday explained to salaried employees its strategy for keeping up with the fall rush: Please, won’t you work for free on the weekends?

Beginning next month, 6,000 federal inmates, mostly drug offenders, will be released from prison early. You might believe that this is good reason to be afraid—wild men and addicts running loose on the street! But it will be just fine. Last time it happened, it was just fine, too.

Randy Quaid—the Beard Quaid, the Sex Tape Quaid, the Squatting Quaid, the Not-Dennis Quaid—was arrested Wednesday in Montreal by Canada Border Services agents, the CBC reports. It’s Quaid’s second arrest in Canada this year.

This week, a brave Catholic priest came out against the villainous young children who tempt pedophiles, telling a TV reporter the true victims are the priests, who sometimes “give up” under the relentless barrage of underage temptation.

Unfortunately for Léa Seydoux, the French actress who’s starring in the upcoming Bond movie Spectre, Vogue UK hired restaurant critic Giles Coren to interview her for the magazine’s November cover story. The piece itself is as yet unreleased, but Coren gave the world a behind-the-scenes look at his writing process in a tweet this morning:

This week a college student reportedly got himself expelled from the University of Connecticut over one of our society’s most disgusting inventions: mac and cheese. How embarrassing—I’m of course referring not to his drunken behavior, but to his base, stomach-turning craving which, I’m afraid to say, entirely justifies the school’s decision: this student is obviously unfit for society.