Luke Gatti, the 19-year-old University of Connecticut student who swaggered into a campus cafeteria with a beer Sunday night and drunkenly demanded some “fucking jalapeño bacon mac and cheese,” has reportedly been expelled from the university over the incident.

Four years after one of its principals hypnotized dozens of high school students, three of whom died within days, a Florida school district has agreed to pay $600,000 to the deceased teenager’s families.

Last week, bizarre footage of two girls—reportedly drunk sisters—fighting aboard an inflatable raft got posted on YouTube. It’s a weird, funny video and I have so many questions.

Chloe Goins, one of more than 50 women Bill Cosby has allegedly sexually assaulted—and the only one whose criminal case against him is currently under investigation—filed a civil suit for childhood sexual abuse against Cosby in a California court Tuesday.

Last week, news leaked that writers at The Huffington Post had formed a committee to unionize. This morning, the campaign began in earnest. Get excited, Arianna!

It’s a tale old as time: the elite climb atop the backs of the workers, trampling those in their way to survive.

The leaves have begun to quiver on their branches, a cold breeze has blown through the air. That’s right, the season of horribly offensive costumes is upon us.

Women in California are now reaping the benefits of a law that’s been called the strongest equal pay law in the nation.

Ariana Grande’s lips have been meandering all over the place lately.

Back in July, dour British funeral singer (vegan funerals only) Morrissey alleged that an airport security officer at San Francisco International Airport had groped his genitals during a pat-down and said that he’d filed a claim for assault. Just a day later, the TSA denied any wrongdoing in a statement to Rolling Stone:

In what’s slated to be the largest inmate release ever in U.S. history, 6,000 federal prisoners will be set fee by the government next month. Over the coming year, another 8,550 inmates will also be eligible for early release.

I think my teddy bear knows I’m high. Do I stink? I think I stink. There’s something really foreboding about the shape of that telephone. I bet it was made in a bad factory. God, I’m a fraid. Maybe if I just put on Planet Earth, I’ll feel better. A fraid? Unless it’s the episode with the fish. Afraid. God, I’m so afraid. Maybe I should call the cops.

“The Bratayleys,” a stage name for the super-viral middle-class Maryland version of the Kardashians, recently suffered the horrid loss of their 13-year-old YouTube star son, Caleb. They’d asked that we respect the family’s privacy for the time being—oh, and make sure to tune in to the dead teen’s memorial!

Earlier today, current non-Trump GOP frontrunner Ben Carson went on Fox and Friends to complain about President Obama’s “politicizing” of the Oregon shooting tragedy. And as with all of Ben Carson’s interviews—he probably would have been better off staying home.

Former Dancing With the Stars contestant Sean Avery was reportedly arrested last week in the Hamptons after he allegedly committed an act of criminal mischief and doubled down with an additional possession of narcotics charge.

Winning enough Chick-fil-A® chicken sandwiches, iced tea, and medium Classic Sides to fill a man’s grave is easy. All you have to do is line up on the sidewalk for three hours with 300 people while the lead-colored sky bleeds into black night; while stinging rain, flung down from heaven by an angry God and then up, into your face, by 32 mph wind gusts, chills you to the bone; while a bleak chorus of freezing cops, frazzled event managers, and other various uniformed persons moan in rounds the following words: This is not the official line. This line is unofficial. This is not the official line. Then you must pray that that same cruel and arbitrary God turns His back on two-thirds of your wretched companions. If He does, and you manage to survive an additional 12 hours inside or near the Chick-Fil-A, then you have won the chicken.

Consider this: billionaires suck.

A new report finds that Silicon Valley’s power structure, the conduits that determine which technologies will shape the fabric of society, is comprised of a representative mix of the people who use them. Ha ha, of course not, ha ha.

On Tuesday, federal prosecutors indicted John Ashe, the former president of the U.N. General Assembly, on charges that he’d received close to $1.3 million in bribes from Chinese real estate developers. But far more interesting than the allegations of corruption (yawn) are the items he’s accused of purchasing with the dirty money—and what they say about him.