Everyone loves a good mustache joke, and in honor of her first guest of the day, Ellen gave her audience stick-on mustaches. The weird thing was, Tom Selleck never acknowledged this fact. Did he even notice?

The Hills' Audrina gets her own reality show, Jerseylicious gets a third season, Matt Damon returns to 30 Rock, Oprah will be Piers Morgan's first guest, and Katy Perry will date Ted on How I Met Your Mother.

That strange shifting you just felt in the ground? Elizabeth Edwards rolling over in her fresh grave. The National Enquirer reports John Edwards "proposed to Rielle Hunter. Apparently Elizabeth's children are already working on their escape pumpkin. [via HuffPo]

On Christmas, 42-year-old British charity worker Simone Back posted a Facebook message reading, "‘Took all my pills be dead soon so bye bye every one." 148 comments—many of them mocking her—followed. The next day she was found dead.

Last month, we showed you an incredible (read: insane) video of a Russian teen sliding off of a building with a makeshift bungee cord. Now, another amateur bungee jumping video has surfaced—and it's way, way scarier. Watch inside.

The Veterinary Pet Insurance Company tabulated the most popular animal name for 2010: Bella. Yes, because of that vampire movie the kids won't shut up about. But what's really fun are the insane names given to some dogs and cats.

TONIGHT: We've got the season premiere of Jersey Shore and Wipeout, plus new episodes of The Big Bang Theory, $#*! My Dad Says, Million Dollar Money Drop, CSI, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, and more!

Want a bigger penis? Too lazy to buy a penis pump? Reality star Andrew Christian has the product for you: Shock Jock Flirt Brief with Male Features—undies with a fake penis to wear over your real penis.

Here's the indictment accusing ex-CIA officer Jeffrey Sterling of leaking classified information to the New York Times' James Risen.

He's baaaaack, thanks to TLC. Also today: everyone's favorite dreamvamp gets his ears lowered, bad news for Paula Abdul, good news for Katy Perry (which is bad news for us), and a misguided NBC show moves ahead.

Explosive mail packages "flared up" in two Maryland state government buildings today, causing a few minor injuries. The Feds are investigating.

Ted Williams is having the best week ever. The formerly homeless man has won the hearts of everyone...except his own mother? In this interview for the AP, Ms. Williams shares her oddly negative opinions on her son's viral success.

Dr. Charles Bizilj took his eight-year-old son to a gun show two years ago. There, he videotaped his son's death, as the boy lost control while trying to test-fire an Uzi. Today, Bizilj is testifying in court. It is awful.

Today at Gawker.TV, Snooki simultaneously disses The Situation and Dancing With the Stars, a look at Zac Efron's weird acceptance speech, Stephen Colbert celebrates the censorship of Huckleberry Finn, and the internet's beloved golden-voiced homeless man announced the Today Show.

Congratulations to Hey, Boo Boo for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

[Jessica Szohr blends into the background at the debut of her SoBe "skinsuit" ad, for which she posed naked in bodypaint. See the actress stand awkwardly next to a picture of herself naked, after the jump.]

Not only are Uggs probably ruining your feet and, like, totally over, but now some doctors say they breed foot fungus that can seep into your toe nails and is hard to get rid of. Give them a rest, already!

Will this flick be as bad as we all hope it will be? Um... YES. This horrible junket session is all the proof you'll need. Is it premature to start engraving 2011's Golden Razzie Award on January 6th?

Jeffrey Sterling, a former CIA officer, was indicted today for leaking classified information to New York Times reporter James Risen. The indictment shows that the federal government had access to their e-mail and phone contacts going back several years.

There's really not too much to this video. It's only about 10 seconds long, it features only one person, and she only speaks a couple of sentences. But boy oh boy is it the funniest thing I've seen all day.