Republican sex-fantasizer Andrea Peyser needs a stronger man than weepy Johnny Boehner: "Can you imagine Vladmir Putin of Russia, who rides bare-chested in boots aboard a horse through frigid Siberia, tapping wetly into his deepest fears?" Despotic fascism= sexxxy. [NYP]

That's what the sober star claimed, at least. This reality starlet is going to get Botox on camera and this actress dumped her famous boyfriend because he left his teeth in her apartment. That story really has bite!

Watch Marshawn Lynch's touchdown, Super Mario style. The only way this could get better is if he did it while riding Yoshi into a castle.

FilmDrunk brings us this video history of product placement on film, we learn that Michael Bay won "The Whore Award" from Brand Channel for an impressive record of 47 product placements in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Put all those sick nightmares about Playboy without a Playboy mansion—or without Hugh Hefner—out of your pretty little mind. Hef's taking the company private again. Party at Hef's place.

Renato Seabra, a 20 year-old male model, has confessed to attacking, castrating, and killing Portugese fashion journalist Carlos Castro (pictured) in a Times Square hotel room Saturday night. Seabra is apparently very, very disturbed.

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

New Jersey Transit's "quiet car" program is good. By choosing the front or rear car of a commuter train during peak hours, you don't have to listen to obnoxious cell phone conversations. But what if someone breaks the rules?

[A bird attacks a kite during the International Kite Festival in Ahmadabad, India today. Image via AP]

A small oil leak has shut down the Trans Alaska Pipeline for the last three days, cutting production there by 98% and prompting price increases. And guess which company is a "major owner" of the pipeline? Poor old BP. [Reuters]

Carmine Agnello, the former mobster whose awful, orange kids starred in the reality show Growing Up Gotti, is in trouble again after he told a park ranger in Ohio that she "should be killed" for asking about his weight.

Fighting has broken out between North and South Korea (on the internet).

The Saturday shooting of U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords and several others is the kind of tragedy it takes time to process. But it's not an excuse to be a idiot. Not that it stopped certain members of Congress.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates kicked off his weeklong Asia trip by hanging out with Chinese military leaders.

According to The Wall Street Journal, CNN is considering dumping Parker Spitzer's Kathleen Parker and replacing her. But who could bring the same ability to sit there and not talk? Ashley Dupre? Piers Morgan? Ted Williams? A piece of string?

Jared Loughner, who allegedly shot Rep. Gabrielle Giffords in the head and killed six others in Arizona on Saturday, is obsessed with grammar. Why? Welcome to the weird world of ":David-Wynn: Miller" and the "Mathematical Interface for Language."

[This is 50 Cent leaving a bathroom at the CES electronics show in Las Vegas. If you have to ask why, you'll never understand America. Image via Getty]

Eight people were arrested in Hong Kong over the guy who disguised himself as an old man to get into Canada.

Remember all those birds that died in Italy with mysterious blue stains on their beaks? Turns out they were just greedy little fatties who gorged themselves on sunflower seeds and died of "massive indigestion." Reassuring, I guess?

On tonight's 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney tackled a story about a Virginia history textbook that was revealed to contain 140 mistakes. Then, Rooney bragged about all the books he's written. Then, he again criticized the aforementioned author. The video, inside.