The Way We Live Now: aspiring to livability. That would be great, to be able to afford to live. Having an adequate amount of a stable currency? That's it. Gives us a warm feeling, like the heroin rich people get.

Vanity Fair, a journal dedicated to dissecting the Kennedy administration, created a mockup of a New Yorker featuring its coverboy Justin Bieber. Cute. But maybe VF could go a year without a dead woman on the cover before mocking others?

Maybe advertising was different in the 1970s—when this commercial for Fig Newtons made its debut—but I honestly cannot fathom why Nabisco would think that this creepy-as-all-hell ad would make anyone want to buy anything. Like, ever. Watch inside.

Richard Elwood Sanden was having sex with a lady when he realized she wasn't breathing. He called the cops, who—after reviewing the contents of Sanden's video camera—arrested him for necrophilia. His excuse: He didn't know she was dead.

CBS orders three more seasons of The Big Bang Theory, Justin Bieber returns to CSI, what's new on TV tonight, and a mystery image from an upcoming episode of 30 Rock.

Crazy old theater queen Glenn Beck was on his little radio program this morning talking about the creatively challenged but financially blessed Broadway Spider-Man musical and apparently he LOVED it. Like "this is history of Broadway being made" loved it.

Robert Gibbs' last day as Press Secretary is coming up fast and here's how we hope it goes down.

Adm. Mike Mullen, the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff, has declared that the Taliban are losing in Afghanistan. No word on whether that means we're winning, or when the war will end. Oh, and he wants more troops.

Here is the touching story of Roy and his enduring love for the original Nintendo gaming system. After watching this video it's going to be almost impossible for you not to want to break out your old Nintendo NES.

Today at Gawker.TV, Rashida Jones is really stoked about Rob Lowe being on Parks & Recreation, Al Roker's weather fail, The Onion's SportsDome premieres, Colbert's indie rocker sell-out-off, and Antoine Dodson kicks off the new season of Tosh.0.

Today in Christmas Gifts Your Mom Could Do Without: your assault victim's still-bloody bathrobe.

America's most famous burlesque sister act, the Kardashians, will launch a Kardashian Kollection at over 400 Sears stores this August. Sounding Palinesque, Kourtney said, "There's a Sears right near our house." But have you ever been inside? Didn't think so.

Here's eight minutes of footage from Jimmy Fallon's audition on the Saturday Night Live stage. In it, the 24-year-old does an array of impressions that range from Chris Rock to Adam Sandler. It's actually pretty darn impressive.

Here is video proof Sarah Palin must have an army of trained monkey interns working day and night moderating her official Facebook page. Watch with amazement how rapidly comments are being wiped from the page in realtime.

After reading Julian Assange's infamous OKCupid profile, Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger has declared the Wikileaks founder a bitter, underminey seducer who will make his lovers as miserable as he is, and be tortured by them. You don't say.

The young man seen here was apparently caught bragging about gang-banging activities, on Facebook. His uncle decided to whup his ass with a belt, live on video. Here is what strong social media boundary-setting looks like. Parents, take note.

Mississippi Gov. Haley "Boss Hogg" Barbour, a possible presidential candidate, doesn't want to seem so racist. First he pardoned two black ladies in a kidneys-for-freedom deal. Now he's asking the state to build its long-delayed civil rights museum. [via]

Doing publicity for Snooki is a pretty straightforward. You put her in a vaguely inappropriate context, aim a camera at her, then wait for media outlets to stumble into your trap. Example: Snooki making over an 11-year-old.

Like Donal Logue before him, the poor guy just can't get a break. Also today: Tom Cruise considers rocking out, Batman needs a new galpal so who will it be??, and sexy news about sexy Justin Long.

Despite his heavy accent, Oscar-winning Javier Bardem can do a really good impression of Woody Allen. Inside, he laughs at Conan's hair, to which he replied "You have some nerve after No Country For Old Men." Harsh, but true.