The police department of Lincoln, Nebraska has a crimestoppers website where they post America's Most Wanted-like videos about local criminals. Today's entry: an uncomfortably anthropological girlfight play-by-play featuring a Mickey Mouse hat, flying hair, and a public bus.

Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot point-blank in the head six days ago, keeps making ridiculous progress in her recovery. She's still in critical condition, but doctors' expectations keep rising.

Vincent McCrudden, a mad-as-hell hedge fund manager from Long Island, was arrested last night for threatening to kill 47 officials from the Securities and Exchange Commission, Financial Industry Regulatory Authority, and Commodity Futures Trading Commission.

Yesterday was quite a day for Camille and Kelsey Grammer. Their divorce-centric episode of Real Housewives aired, Kelsey opened up on Letterman, and we learned on Watch What Happens Live that Camille met his new squeeze last night as well!

You're a college professor. A student's missing class because she's just given birth. Do you a) send an email to the entire class polling them on what grade she should get? Or b) anything but that? One professor chose "A."

On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen asked the question that's been plaguing banana eaters for centuries: "How do I get into this thing?" His answer? Pull a Gallagher and smash it open with hammer.

[A man walks by Reese Witherspoon as she leaves a restaurant in LA. Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

Last night Conan talked to Ricky Gervais about his Golden Globes hosting gig, if you call jumping around pretending to be a chimney-sweep conversing. Ricky, however, was able edge in the fact the Globes people aren't keen on Nazi humor.

"Power Balance" wristbands have magical holograms that give you magical powers of balance, just by wearing them. Just last week, Power Balance itself admitted Power Balance is a scam! Now the company's putting its name on a NBA stadium. Wonderful.

A JetBlue flight from JFK to Pittsburgh was grounded yesterday because the pilot lost his bag containing his TSA-issued firearm. Turns out a passenger on another flight picked it up by mistake. Steven Slater never would have done that.

After announcing the cast of The Celebrity Apprentice, Donald Trump played charades on Late Night with two of the show's cast members: Lil' Jon and NeNe Leaks. The face he made when pulling "Tardy For the Party" says it all.

Silvio Berlusconi, the world's Italian-est prime minister, is being investigated by prosecutors in Milan for having sex with a 17-year-old prostitute, according to Corriere della Sera.

Scientist Sook Shin had two years of prostate cancer research on her laptop when she and her husband stopped at a local Panera for dinner in Oklahoma City. The computer was stolen, and now prostate cancer will never be cured.

Sure, Joe Thiesmann accidentally saying "Danny Woodcock" in reference to New England Patriots player Danny Woodhead is funny. But it's not as funny as Deion Sanders' laugh-cry-roll extravaganza would have you believe.

Silly Chris Christie. The New Jersey governor's latest rant about the state government going "bankrupt" yesterday rattled financial markets and forced the state to cut its new bond offering by half. Governor Sandwiches will be eating crow, now.

The Green Hornet himself finished a week of media blitz with this appearance before his most loyal demographic: the gamers and stoners of G4TV. Meanwhile, is it just us, or does Seth Rogen have the world's most annoying laugh?

News Corp's iPad newspaper The Daily was all set to unveil itself dramatically in San Francisco next week. Now the launch is being delayed "weeks, not months" in order to let Apple tweak its new subscription service. Shoot. [Media Memo]

Scarlett and Sandy are on the verge of a wet t-shirt cat fight! Selena Gomez's parents freak out over her missing promise ring! Anna Wintour humiliates Kristen Stewart with an ugly shirt! Friday gossip sets back the feminist movement.

After Camille's big reveal about their divorce on last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, viewers collectively cringed when David Letterman asked (as only he would) "I'm under the impression that your marriage is ending. Is that a fact?"

Like seeing a grown man dressed in a wedding gown? Like seeing a grown man dressed in a wedding gown as he receives a high kick to the chest? Russian talk shows are right up your ally!