German national Sven Koppler has pleaded guilty to smuggling hundreds of tarantulas in the mail.

What's Star Wars creator/destroyer George Lucas wrong about these days? According to Seth Rogen, who met with Lucas recently: "Lucas [talked] for... 25 minutes about how he thinks the world is gonna end in the year 2012, like, for real."

Twenty-year-old Matthew Riskin Bean was sentenced to 45 days in prison after pleading guilty to a single count of stalking. Bean, a 4chan user, had posed as a "concerned mother" and emailed a Philadelphia school pictures of a student's penis.

According to people who've seen security-cam footage of the Arizona shooting, Federal Judge John Roll apparently died while saving the life of Ronald Barber, a Giffords campaign staffer, by covering his body. Which is just, well, oof.

This morning, Regis Philbin shocked viewers when he announced his impending retirement from his morning show. Tonight, friend David Letterman got Philbin on the phone during the Late Show to sort the whole thing out—and bicker with him.

[Actor Matt Damon carrying lasagna for a scene in We Bought a Zoo, directed by Cameron Crowe. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Last night, Sarah Palin whined to Sean Hannity about how she still feels attacked/blamed for the Arizona shooting. Sigh. SIGH. Tonight, Jon Stewart picked apart Palin's interview and, once again, exposed her and her ridiculous, undying victim complex. Watch inside.

It's happened before, of course, and I'm not blaming anyone here, except maybe God. It must be very tempting, when you have this tiny, stupid little person hanging around your house, to make it do hilarious things like wear sunglasses, and smoke marijuana. Why not? You own your kid, more or less. It already loves dumb colorful TV shows. And your baby has so much free time!

Remember that creepy audition tape Brian Atene sent Stanley Kubrik in 1984? Well, Tosh got him an actual acting gig on Cougartown in tonight's Web Redemption!

An incendiary device found along the route of a Martin Luther King Day parade in Spokane, Wash., was "likely capable of inflicting multiple casualties," the FBI said today.

Former Haitian dictator Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier has been charged with corruption and embezzlement days after his return to Haiti.

The night after Oprah Winfrey served as Piers Morgan Tonight's first guest, Howard Stern took to the program to accuse the Queen of Daytime of stealing Phil Donahue's format. Then, Stern called Jay Leno "insane" and "a crook." Watch inside.

Senator Joe Lieberman (I - His Own Butt), will reportedly announce tomorrow that he won't be seeking re-election next year, because he won't win. And, by denying us the thrill of watching him lose, America's greatest political troll strikes again!

Eugene Mirman wishes that when he passes an acquaintance on the street, he could just say "I know you! Goodbye!" But he can't, so he just makes stuff up.

In September, a "Narcotics Strike Force" burst into the Utah home of 45-year-old Todd Blair. Blair, "armed" with a golf club, was shot within seconds. Police found "paraphernalia" and an empty vial of meth. Here's video of the raid.

It turns out the third-largest advertiser across MySpace and Facebook was a scam to switch people's search engines to Bing and then collect affiliate fees from Microsoft. It's yet another example of how social networks are rife with shady operators.

Aziz' parenting advice is along the lines of watching seasons 1-5 of The Wire, exuding confidence, wearing a tux, not getting fat, and drinking Jameson on the rocks because "all the cool kids start drinking first."

[The red carpet is pulled into place to greet Chinese President Hu Jintao, who arrived at Andrews Air Force Base today and will meet with President Obama at the White House tomorrow. Image via Getty]

Today we learned more about the testicle-bearing editor who recently got in trouble. Naturally this prompted a lot of ball-related humor, none topped by this particular gem.

As an advertisement for Scott and Zander's Crazy Night, Tony Danza participates in this funny clip in which he's asked if Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" is actually about him. "Hold me closer, Tony Danza" certainly has a ring to it...