This video illustrates why you should never run onto the racetrack, no matter what the size of the cars.

Former greatest president ever Ronald Reagan turned 100 yesterday, you may have heard. A bunch of old white people fêted him out at his ranch in California, shortly before the Super Bowl. But the best memorial to the Ol' Gipper wasn't delivered in Simi Valley. It was in the pages of Politico, and penned by weird Scottsdale porn scribe Rep. Ben Quayle:

Move over, Bieber! These kids are bringing everything they've got to this dance-off. Their moves may not be mainstream, but they sure are hilarious to watch.

A slow weekend saw the ladies rushing out to the cineplexes to have their fun before football madness descended upon the land and all was boy until Monday.

Meet Tonka, an adorable lion cub who just wants to snuggle and lick your face. This snuggle sesh, however, could prove to be difficult because he is probably far stronger and weighs more than you.

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange is in a London courthouse today fighting an extradition request from Sweden to face rape charges there, and his lawyer says if England lets Sweden get its hands on him, he'll end up at Gitmo, or dead.

I think we can all agree that this week's Saturday Night Live was pleasing to both "SNL purists" and those who love the show in its current incarnation.

Yoohoo And Friends is a show that seems to be fast paced and silly enough to keep your kid's attention while you do the dishes. Having Flava Flav play Father time makes sense, but that's about all that makes sense.

America's pharmacies are under assault by desperate junkies willing to do anything for their next Oxycontin fix! If you went to high school in small-town America, this is old news; you almost certainly know at least one guy who was doing this way before it was a New York Times-certified trend. Wherever there is an assured supply of opiates, so too will there be a screwdriver-wielding mullet-sporter willing to menace a Rite Aid employee in order to get some of those opiates. But now, it must be admitted, the crimes are costing our nation's pharmacies a bit of their traditional charm:

While Christina Aguilera does star-spangled damage control, her handlers fret about alcoholism. Lindsay Lohan's felony grand theft charge looms. Jessica Szohr may be dating the Packers' quarterback. Monday gossip streams o'er the land of the brave.

This short film noir features an internet savvy detective who solves a murder with the help of Archive.org, Twitter, and Foursquare.

When asked to name something that gets passed around Steve Harvey couldn't believe to hear the contestant yell 'a joint!' What makes this situation better is to hear the other family's counter answer.

She got it from her much older boyfriend. This actor went to the Super Bowl so he wouldn't seem gay, this actress has been in the loony bin, and this older actor is exhausted by his new, younger lover. At least she didn't give him anything he can't get rid of!

Some mammals are cuter than others when they clean themselves, here a chipmunk cleans itself in slow motion.

Columbia University: where you can almost taste the class conflict lapping at the edge of campus. According to a credulity-straining (fictional?) report in The Morningside Post, Columbia student Jane Watkins was hurrying up 114th on her way to class when she was rudely mugged. By very polite muggers!

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

Even though the NDP's headquarters was torched during protests, they've still got a firm grip on things. Just a little makeover, that's all!

Watch out if you plan on filing a race discrimination complaint against FDNY — you just might find a noose hanging in your locker. At least that's what Gregory Seabrook, a communications electrician for the department, says happened to him last Thursday.

Gawker has a brand new look as of today. Let's take a look around, shall we?

Britain's Thorpe Park was building a new water ride right on top of an ancient burial ground until workers started complaining about cold sensations and other ghostly feelings, so they've called in a paranormal detection agency. Great marketing scheme!