Are you unaware of the Arcade Fire? Even after their big win at the Grammy's this weekend? Let this be a warning. Don't let this happen to you.

Today Facebook added "in a civil union" and "in a domestic partnership" to its array of relationship statuses that already include "single," "married," and the ever popular "it's complicated." Personally I'm waiting until they add "in a throuple."

In this, the newest of the Old Spice chronicles, Isaiah Mustafa and Komodo promise to take you, Lady, to magical places and far-off destinations.

After reading that Justin Bieber favors Canadian-style health care, Rep. Chris Murphy (D-CT) went boldly where no member of Congress had gone before:

We just caught this funny little segment about Mayor Bloomberg's budget cuts from our local ABC affiliate. Okay, so his reporting isn't funny, but the gaggle of people tip-toeing behind him in unison definitely is. Well played, random street people!

All 14 of Wisconsin's Democratic Senators have fled the state to deny Republicans a vote on their union-busting budget proposal, and to hide from Wisconsin police. Gov. Scott Walker has asked to please return to work, damnit. But where are they? Some generic motel in Illinois? Yes!

Submitted to Sesame Street's animation video contest, the goal of this awesome short is to teach kids the word, "cat," in several different languages. Unfortunately, the gang over at Sesame Street rejected it.

Of this video, Best Week Ever's Michelle Collins said, "It is, in my internet expert calculations, a perfect video." And that's before she discovered the fart. Seriously, you guys, just watch this now—because it is, in fact, perfect.

Famous playboy Leonardo DiCaprio has dated a string of beautiful models, but there's really only one special person in his life. Also today:

Michael Emerson and J.J. Abrams collaborate again, Adrienne Palicki wins the role of Wonder Woman, Kurt's Dad on Glee may get his very-own spin-off show, and Kanye will reportedly crash Rihanna's half-time show at the NBA All-Star game.

Runner's high! Job vs. health! Sex vs. skinny! Cola cancer! Dwarf salvation! Crib mishaps! Geographic exercise aversion! Smoke-free hotels! And lap bands for the rest of us! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch health—while choosing, poorly!

Among the 400+ amendments filed earlier this week for the House Republicans' upcoming spending package was this little gem from GOP Rep. Steve Womack: cutting funding for the president's teleprompter. This machine has been the source of many hilarious Republican jokes over the last two years, like, "Did you see how Barack Obama read his speech off a teleprompter? Bwah ha ha, what an idiot."

Come one, come all, plop yourself in front of your computer screen, and watch the cutest video you'll see today! Here's four-plus minutes of two adorable toddlers attempting to fight each other in the most aw-worthy Taekwondo match ever. Ever!

Anyone who's ever tried to find an apartment in New York City knows how much brokers can stretch the truth, this however might be the most extreme case you'll ever witness.

Congratulations to GitEmSteveDave♥ Elizabeth Lambert for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame.

Today at Gawker.TV, Bill Hader talks about the creation of Stefon, NY Mag's Approval Matrix premieres on TV, IBM's Watson wins it all, Nick Jonas stars on Mr. Sunshine, and Lady Gaga wears a condom-inspired outfit to Good Morning America.

So that's why the show is the way it is. There's a bunch of Rastafarian bros at the helm!

A Pennsylvania woman was arrested after showing police a picture of herself next to her 2-year-old daughter bound to a chair with duct tape. This has got to be the dumbest lady around.

JWoww appeared on the Tonight Show last night to promote her new book, The Rules According to JWOWW. Jenni was charming and poised as she discussed dating liars, giving guys the ol' "one and done," and refusing to ever settle.

In your springy Thursday media column: Nir Rosen and Jeffrey Goldberg deserve each other, turnover and understanding at the New York Times, Essence weaves, Helen Thomas regrets nothing, and a Meet the Press veteran passes away.