Police in Estero, Florida last month arrested a man after he was caught on surveillance video stealing sausages and napkins from a retirement community's club house. 34-year-old Joshua Ryan Abernathy entered the Mariner's Cove Club House, took a shower, and wandered around inside naked to the amusement of some cute (and lively!) old people. When someone noticed the coveted sausages were missing, they reviewed the surveillance tape and recognized the burglar as a drifter from the area.

Somali pirates yesterday seized an American couple, Jean and Scott Adam, and their two passengers as they were sailing on their yacht in the Indian Ocean.

This the most important moment in the teenage life of Nickelodeon's Doug Funnie—yes, even better than meeting The Beets at the Honker Burger with Skeeter. His crush, Patti Mayonaise, has asked him out on a date.

In 2007, several 9/11 "Truthers" infiltrated/disrupted Bill Maher's Real Time audience. Maher was pissed. But that's not all! During tonight's live taping, the program was again disrupted—this time by a lone screeching/shouting man. Again, Maher was pissed. [Gawker.TV]

In 2007, several 9/11 "Truthers" infiltrated/disrupted Bill Maher's Real Time audience. Maher was pissed. But that's not all! During tonight's live taping, the program was again disrupted—this time by a lone screeching/shouting man. Again, Maher was pissed.

The rest of the best top comedy videos from this week can be found over at Splitsider, including a sucky Valentine's Day, an awesome Big Momma parody, and one miserable bear. [Gizmodo] Gizmodo at 02/28/2011 16:14:46

Moshe Kasher is on board with medical marijuana: "Everyone should smoke, we should all fail to thrive together." He just wants everyone to recognize that marijuana clinics aren't even trying to look healthy anymore.

Today we heard the frustrating news that the United States House of Representatives voted to defund Planned Parenthood because the ghost that lives on the moon told them to. Many of you reacted with outrage, but one just resignedly got themselves ready for the future.

Justin Timberlake will make a special appearance on this Sunday's Cleveland Show but you might not recognize him if you don't watch this first. That's right, he's playing a booger that's been picked from Rollo's nose.

Jennifer Aniston bought the Beverly Hills home she calls "Ohana" (named after a Hawaiian concept of extended family) for $13.5 million back in 2006, spent some $15 million turning it into a Zen palace that feels "like a hug," put it in Architectural Digest, and is now selling it.

In his new book, Michael Show revisits his awkward years for all of us to enjoy. In a related segment on Late Night, he reveals what the guys, girls, and dorks liked back in the day.

A California elementary school is launching a six-week pilot program to track their young students like so many wild bobcats. Kids with a lot of absences will be able to volunteer to be tracked with GPS in order to make sure they are in school learning, instead of doing the sex and the gangs out on the street. From the Orange County Register:

So a Fox Business Network reporter went to say "hi" to the protester commies filling the Wisconsin State Capitol today, and you will not believe what happened! The uncivil crowd just chanted "Fox Lies! Fox Lies!" over and over. Why so rude? They must have a problem with the commission of brilliant investigative journalism. Who knows what goes on in the minds of these union thugs, really.

Kelsey Grammar is currently on vacation in Miami with his new fiance Kayte Walsh (who spells her named like a reality show contestant). These horrifying images of their public intimacy will give you nightmares, even while you're awake. Here they are making out at their hotel. [Image via INF]

When an animal handler brought Chelsea some critters to play with, she almost immediately starts making dirty jokes. See how a chameleon, a fox, and an owl react to her sense of humor!

Treat yourself to a movie this balmy Friday evening, or tomorrow, or the next day. There are several new things to see in the theaters this week, from hunky aliens to husky mommas to haunted Haydens. Plus, Liam Neeson really wishes you remembered who he is.

The pollster Rasmussen Reports is feeling festive around Presidents Day! They conducted this poll just in time for the holiday weekend: "Are there too many federal holidays already, not enough federal holidays or is the number of federal holidays about right?" The strange results showed 28% believing there are too many, 53% saying the number's about right, and only 13% wanting more federal holidays. Come again?

This morning, beloved British band Radiohead shocked the online world by dropping their new album unexpectedly soon. The music is supposed to be amazing, but find out for yourself while watching singer Thom Yorke dance like a crazy man.

Someone decided that today, February 18, is National Drink Wine Day. And here we thought every day was National Drink Wine Day. If holidays are made so easily, I hereby declare tomorrow National Buy Brian Moylan a Sandwich Day. Yum!

January Jones stopped by Live with Regis and Kelly to talk about her new movie Unknown co-starring the Irish giant, Liam Neeson. Regis took this as his cue to do an impression of a leprechaun Mr. Neeson.