A 400-pound former sumo wrestling champ, Kelly Gneiting of Arizona, now owns the Guinness World Record for "Heaviest Person to Complete a Marathon" after finishing the LA Marathon yesterday in 9 hours 48 minutes 52 seconds.

Barely two days after U.N. authorization, the vaunted no-fly zone over Libya has been been "officially enforced" by a coalition of U.S., French and British forces. Here's the latest from the ongoing conflict in Libya:

A man in San Antonio brandished weapons at a Taco Bell, exchanged gunfire with police and spent three hours negotiating with a SWAT team from inside his hotel room. Because Taco Bell raised the price of the Beefy Crunch Burrito.

The German newspaper Der Spiegel somehow got its hands on photographs of U.S. soldiers posing with a corpse, and published them, and the Army wants you to know it feels really terrible. "Today Der Spiegel published photographs depicting actions repugnant to us as human beings and contrary to the standards and values of the United States Army," spokesman Col. Thomas Collins said in a statement. "We apologize for the distress these photos cause." The photos apparently depict Cpl. Jeremy Morlock and PFC Andrew Holmes—both charged, along with three others, with killing Afghan civilians—posing with the corpse of an Afghan man named Gul Mudin (Morlock, in his photo, is apparently "smiling as he lifts the head of a corpse by the hair"). Well, no hard feelings, Army! Let's maybe just keep the war crimes to a minimum in the future, okay? [NYDN]

"Sex-starved and promiscuous" female guards are constantly having sex with inmates at Rikers Island, the New York Post reports, based on an interview with former guard Yolanda Dickinson. Who just happens to have written a novel—titled Taboo—"based on the jail's out-of-control sex scene"! How "out of control" is the "sex scene" at Rikers? According to the Post itself: Since 2007, six out of the prison's 3,890 "sex-starved and promiscuous" female officers have lost their jobs over "undue familiarity," though only two were accused of actually having sex with prisoners. Sounds out-of-control! And... sexy. [NYP]

It's now been ten days since Japan's massive earthquake and tsunami, and police are estimating that an incomprehensible 18,000 people were killed in the disaster. Meanwhile, the worst may be over at the troubled Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant, though higher levels of radioactivity have been detected in spinach and milk at nearby farms. Here's the latest news from Japan:

Newsweek gave the U.S. Citizenship Test to 1,000 Americans, for some reason (boredom?), and 38 percent failed. Twenty-nine percent couldn't even name the vice president! (Is it Jeff something? Or Josh?) How should we react?

Amy Schumer would like for old high school acquaintances to stop poking her on Facebook and inviting her to their weird vampire parties. And no, she doesn't want to follow you on "Twatter" either.

AT&T just announced a deal to buyT-Mobile USA from Deutsche Telekom in a cash and stock deal worth $39 billion.

The Western Hemisphere's biggest blowhard, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez, stood behind his main man Muammar Qaddafi in the face of allied airstrikes today, calling the attacks "indiscriminate bombing." He added, "With Venezuela, don't even think about it, Mr. Obama." We're fairly sure no one gives a shit about you right now, Hugo. But keep trying!

Whoever shot this epic nine minute video definitely has nerves of steel. Watch as a large wave in the distance quickly comes in and over a large harbor filled with boats until nearly everything around is underwater.

During a time out during yesterday's match between Richmond and Morehead State on CBS, commenter TVGenius noticed something funny playing in the background—Rebecca Black's now-infamous "Friday." We're unable to tell which band was playing the tune, but well played to whichever team it was!

Thanks to places like Whole Foods and people like Dr. Oz, Bolivian children are at risk of malnutrition. Why? Because of America's sudden love affair with quinoa — that tasty little chenopod that most wrongly describe as a grain. The Times tells us why we should feel guilty for eating it:

Happy Sunday! Here's a silly video where really, the title says it all.

This doesn't sound good: The Coast Guard is looking into reports of a "sheen" in the Gulf of Mexico off the Louisiana coast — "We have an unknown substance in the water." Oil? Algae? Charlie?

Yesterday, forces loyal to Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi came under a blistering attack by U.S. and European naval and air forces. Meanwhile, anti-government protests continued today in Syria as U.S.-backed despots violently suppressed those who threaten the status quo. Here's a look at what's happening across the Middle East.

Jimmy Kimmel brings us this new offering for Oprah Winfrey's OWN network—a show in which Fred Willard sits around and counts all of Oprah's shoes.

Albany police arrested their department spokesman, James Miller on Friday night for allegedly driving under the influence in a police car with the headlights off. Police spokesmen — they're just like us!

Nine days after the earthquake and tsunami devastated northern Japan, a 16-year-old boy and his 80-year-old grandmother were pulled alive from the rubble of their home in Ishinomaki City.

Gawker's favorite New Jersey humanitarian, Wyclef Jean, was shot in the hand at a political rally for Haitian presidential candidate, musician Michel Martelly last night. But he's okay! According to Wyclef's spokesperson, "He was shot in the hand last night. He was released from the hospital. He's fine now. It happened late yesterday night and he was released after a couple hours." She added that the bullet "just grazed his hand."