Vogue covered the Middle East crisis with a puff piece on the "glamorous" wife of a brutal dictator. Now it's sister publication Condé Nast Traveler's turn: the magazine just published a guide to luxury travel in Libya.

On last night's serving of sun-splashed mania, we were treated to, well... not a lot of mania! It was a strangely pleasant little episode. At least as pleasant as this show ever gets. Vows were renewed (as they always are on this show) and we went to Spain!

In July 2004, as the Iraq War spiraled out of control, Donald Rumsfeld ordered a staffer to draw up a "What Did Not Happen?" memo—a list of potential bad outcomes that had been avoided—to make himself feel better. Things could be worse, right?

Walter Isaacson's authorized biography of Steve Jobs is coming out early next year, indicating Isaacson's interviews with the Apple CEO and his family are close to completion. It's a testament to former Time Inc. CEO Isaacson's interpersonal skills that he's managed to pry into Jobs' life for more than a year now without alienating the notoriously feisty and secretive Apple founder.

Weekends now serve no other purpose than to tease the entire American nation for two horrible days before each week's new Fox and Friends segment, Monday Mornings with Trump. Well we've got this week's clip!

Thanks to psychology, the greatest science of the 20th century, we now know just what it takes for you to have a will of steel: an intense urge to go to the bathroom and making a fist.

A few months back, GSN gave me the opportunity to head down to Las Vegas, make ten dollars on penny slots (true story), balk at lions enclosed in a glass case of emotion for all the tourists to appreciate, and double down at the MGM Grand's free-for-me buffet so hard that I quickly grew into a larger waist size As priceless as these experiences were, the highlight of my trip to Vegas was what I was sent there for: to meet television icon Drew Carey.

Michael Lohan peeps through Lindsay's windows and tries to bust into her house. Natalie Portman gives up veganism for her fetus. Joan Rivers uses vodka as deodorant. Nicki Minaj will share a stage with Britney. Monday gossip spent the weekend stalking its loved ones.

Though the British scourge's movies went number one and number two this weekend, they were mostly number two. At least there's good news for that little assassin girl this weekend, plus it was good news for Jesus, because it really almost always is.

This hunk likes to relax with a partner in a Jacuzzi, and his partner's gender doesn't matter. This actor is back on drugs, this celeb couple has a new business deal, and this female rapper has ridiculous demands. Does it matter which gender she is?

Remember when the White House agreed to push forward President Obama's speech about U.S. involvement in Libya last month because people really needed to see Dancing with the Stars? Something similar has happened up north, where Thursday's French language political debate was moved forward to avoid conflicting with a Montreal Canadiens vs. Boston Bruins playoff game. From the Toronto Star:

Today is the first day of the right wing Republic of France's ban on women wearing a face veil, and police in Paris have already arrested two women for violating the law in front of Notre Dame cathedral.

What's dumber than a gun show? A gun show that allows people to bring their own weapons. Especially when someone decides they're going to bring a .45 caliber handgun after they've been drinking, load said handgun, and then accidentally shoot an old man and a teenager. According to the AP, 30-year-old Joshua Wilkinson went to the Tri-State Gun and Knife Show on Saturday in Evansville, Indiana, where:

Another aftershock has hit Japan's northeast coast, and a tsunami warning is in effect. Today's 7.1 magnitude aftershock comes on the one month anniversary of the devastating earthquake along the same coastline.

Researchers from the University of Minnesota have discovered that parents with active young children tend to neglect their own health and are therefore generally fatter than their childless peers. Ah, the perils of parenting! The results of the study were published today in Pediatrics, and in addition to other stats, researchers found that mothers with children under 5 years old on average consume 368 more calories per day than women who don't have kids. According to the AP, "With that many calories, women that age would need to be active to avoid gaining weight, walking more than 3 miles daily at a moderate pace."

Remember the "voluptuous blonde" Ukrainian nurse described in a Wikileaks cable about Colonel Muammar Qaddafi? Well, he had a bunch of them, most of whom fled Libya as the rebellion grew stronger. And luckily for us, Newsweek tracked one of them down. According to 24-year-old Oksana Balinskaya, Colonel Qaddafi:

Some former clients have filed a class action lawsuit against JPMorgan saying their bests interests weren't taken into account as the financial world first started to collapse in 2007 and, shockingly, that the bank actually profited $1.9 billion from the demise of London-based investment vehicle Sigma while the clients lost nearly $500 million in assets that JPMorgan didn't pull out. Oh the nerve of these not-as-rich-as-they-used-to-be people!

The only thing that could make this dance recital by a duckling Natalie Portman at Stagedoor Manor theater camp (the same Borscht Belt conservatory that produced Robert Downey Jr., Zach Braff and Lea Michelle) more entertaining is if her legs had violently snapped backwards and she sprouted a pair of bloody wings. Sorry — did I say "more entertaining?" I just meant to say, "entertaining." [Natalie appears at 2:30.]

Amid growing public outrage that resulted in the death yesterday of two Egyptian protesters, Hosni Mubarak has issued his first, self-pitying statement since he was forced out of office two months ago. Meanwhile, state prosecutors have summoned him for questioning, and arrested his former Prime Minister, Ahmed Nazif.

Comedy Central forayed into the awards show market this evening with the airing of its first-ever Comedy Awards. When Jon Stewart predictably won the statuette for late-night talk show, Stephen Colbert pulled a Kanye West and crashed Stewart's acceptance speech in glorious fashion.