Today we learned that rascally old Donald Trump didn't really care about the birther stuff after all. He said as much in a USA Today column. Oh, he's writing now! How'd he do? Well, one commenter employed some of the Donald's own editing techniques to assess.

Google has launched a beta test of a Groupon clone called Offers, which promises to wring every remaining ounce of patience out of local merchants already besieged by the online coupon business.

Usually, it's women who are accused of faking it in bed, so maybe that's why we're so impressed with male actors who make their onscreen orgasms look so convincing. Here's a reel of climaxes from over 50 (non-pornographic) films. [Jezebel]

After a corruption scandal led to bloody fistfight on the floor of Parliament, and a raid uncovered 10 handguns and an AK47 hidden in the same building, Kyrgyzstan slaughtered seven sheep this morning in a ritualistic ceremony to rid its democracy of "evil spirits." The literal scapegoating occurred on Parliament's front lawn.

Glee's resident divo Chris Colfer is proving Time magazine right by bulking up his Hollywood resume. Also today: Bethenny Frankel is very rich and Jimmy Fallon is well on his way, too bad Sean Penn will probably come along and rob them.

Today, CNET social media blogger Caroline McCarthy announced she had been hired by Google to join its "Trends and Insights team." She's far from the first tech blogger to become a tech employee.

Enjoy your unfettered right to spread emphysema to your fellow bar patrons while you can, America: a new CDC report *estimates* that by 2020, every state in our hazy union will have a New York-style law banning indoor smoking. Fuckers.

We here at Gawker have been too giddy ever since chief Daily Beast wordsmith Meghan McCain mentioned that she'd be interviewing Donald Trump. What nutty and awkward and flirtatious turns would this clash of egos take?

Between Kim Zolciak, Countess Crackerjacks, and Danielle Staub, it's pretty hard to "drop" the worst single ever spawned from Bravo's metastasizing Real Housewives franchise. Leave it to Simon van Kempen, husband of Real Housewives of New York's Alex McCord, to take the cake with an astronomically bad creation.

Cookie monsters! Fewer french fries! Cancer exercise! Lo-carb crapola! Dumb dieters! Daniel Baldwin's workout! Grip strength! Dip belts! Inspirational marathoners! And a NYSC dance instructor must be rehired at once! It's your Thursday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—feverishly!

The federal government is expected to reach its $14.3 trillion borrowing limit on or around May 16. House Republicans have been demanding deep spending cuts in exchange for a vote to raise this ceiling, even though no congressional leader would really allow the United States government to reach this limit and default on its debt shortly afterwards, thereby destroying the global economy forever.

Back in 2008, the New York Fire Department canceled its annual beefcake photo calendar because one of the men pictured had some blue movies out there. Cut to 2011 when the FDNA is so strapped for cash that the department has resurrected the guilty pleasure.

Here's a trailer for Another Earth, an indie about the discovery of, well, an alternate planet Earth containing all the same people as ours. Freaky! Co-written by its star, Brit Marling, Another Earth earned rave reviews and a prize at this year's Sundance.

In your breezy Thursday media column: the Today Show wins television forever, the NYT hopes its paywall rises higher than its ad revenue falls, Vivian Schiller warns NPR, Time puts random media people on a list, and Mediaite rules.

All gay all day television channel Logo is currently filming the second season of everyone's favorite gay housewives show The A List: New York and they've just started production on The A List: Dallas. We've uncovered new cast members on both.

Sen. Al Franken and Rep. Ed Markey sent Apple letters asking why the iPhone continuously records owners' movements and stores them indefinitely. Maybe Apple, silent on the issue, will tell them why the iPhone has this creepy feature. [Ars Technica]

Antonio Calvo, a popular lecturer in Princeton Univeristy's Spanish department, was found dead in his Manhattan apartment last week after an apparent suicide by "incised wounds of the neck" and arms.

Those masterminds at 30 Rock decided that they were going to make some internet cartoons to spice things up a bit, and naturally they enlisted their favorite news anchor toy Brian Williams to help out.

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has been named one of the 20 best dressed men in the world by French magazine Le Figaro Madame, along with Barack Obama and fashion designer Tom Ford. Applauding the fashion choices of someone currently being investigated for rape charges is sort of tactless—Sure, he might be a rapist but he looked damn good doing it!—but we do have to admit Assange has undergone quite a successful makeover since we watched him unveil Wikileaks' helicopter video at the National Press Club in D.C. a little over a year ago, draped in an ill-fitting suit and loose tie. Assange has become an unlikely symbol of techno-chic, with his shapeshifting hair and Brandoesque leather jackets; this culminated in Newsweek's absurd "Christmas with Julian" photo spread last December.

Associate Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan was a no-show for one-third of the cases seen by the Court in her first term. She had an excuse—something about recusing herself from cases she worked on as solicitor general in the White House—but come on! Roll out of bed once in a while, lady.