Today we learned that rascally old Donald Trump didn't really care about the birther stuff after all. He said as much in a USA Today column. Oh, he's writing now! How'd he do? Well, one commenter employed some of the Donald's own editing techniques to assess.

From iheartalex:

Annotated Column by Donald Trump [<—- BAD WRITER!]

On any given day, I receive hundreds [tens? a handful? one or two, maybe? I dunno, I have a hard time with numbers] of requests from television, radio and newspapers [sometimes "bloggers" send requests too, but I don't know what the internet is, so I always reject those requests. Except Meghan McCain. She's blonde and has big boobs, so I let her interview me] to provide comments on various [one] topics [really, only to talk about my farcical publicity-stunt Presidential campaign, which I am very seriously considering, but won't make a final decision about until after my TV show, The Celebrity Apprentice (Sundays at 9/8c on NBC), is over]. There is not one interview when the "birther" issue is not raised [because I insist on it] multiple times [because I have nothing useful to say about anything else] during the conversation.

I have made my point of view well-known, including the continued request for President Obama to be transparent with the American people and provide his birth certificate for forensic review [see what I did there? brought it up again. like I said, "multiple times"]. Only Obama is in a position to put to rest this long overdue and controversial issue [birther mention number three!]. If there is nothing to hide, come clean [notice how even while suggesting there may be nothing to hide, I still use a phrase that suggests he needs to admit his guilt].

There are many important and pressing issues that, should I elect to run [which I won't], I will [never actually] address [but not now, because I can fill entire interviews with my birther nonsense, and it's great for my poll numbers, which is great for my ratings!] - including China [scary communists!], the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries [had to spell it out to hit the word count. also, scary arabs!], the price of fuel [in case you don't know what I meant by OPEC], unfair trade [scary communists AND scary arabs!], unsustainable debt [something I know A LOT about], the creation of jobs [something I know next to nothing about. did I mention "you're fired!?"] and the rising price of food [another scary imaginary thing!!!].

Most Americans would prefer to have a serious [hysterical, dishonest, ridiculous, scare-tactic-y] conversation [where I look into a camera and spout off a bunch of far-right fringe dog-whistles] about these critical issues, followed by a competent and fearless leader who can advance them [this sentence makes no sense! did I mention I'm a BAD WRITER?!]. Sadly, the press has en masse chosen [been forced, really] to glom [makes the media sound like slobs] onto but one of the myriad [does this SAT word make me sound smarter?] issues I have [not] discussed and would [not] tackle as [I will never be] president.

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