This actress would rather her producers think the reason she can't work is due to a family scandal than to a serious illness. This actress stayed a virgin until marriage. And this actress will do drugs just about anywhere.
Kathy Vitzthum took her first class at Iowa State University in 1992. Just one class. She continued taking one class per semester, every semester, for the next 19 years, while working and raising a family. Next week—at the age of 48—she will finally graduate with a degree in accounting, fulfilling a promise that she made to her dying father more than a decade ago.
Convicted murder and stunningly handsome mobster "Vinny Gorgeous" (or, Vincent Basciano) has had a rough time in jail. His cell is wet, and the guards keep fucking with his suits and ties. He also likes to gossip. And, thanks to secretly-recorded tapes between Mr. Gorgeous and a spineless rat, James "Big Louie" Tartaglione, we know that Mr. Gorgeous is very concerned about aging.
Sad news today: Former singer of British punk band X-Ray Spex, Poly Styrene died last night in London of cancer. From her Twitter account: "We can confirm that the beautiful Poly Styrene, who has been a true fighter, won her battle on Monday evening to go to higher places." Last month, talking to the BBC about her latest solo album, she said "I know I'll probably be remembered for 'Oh Bondage Up Yours!'. I'd like to remembered for something a bit more spiritual." [NME]
Barack Obama was definitely born in Hawaii. How do we know this is true? Because CNN says so. "Period." The network traveled to the state where Obama was allegedly born in 1961 and spoke with Dr. Chiyome Fukino ("a former director of the Hawaii Department of Health and a Republican") who said Obama's live birth certificate is legit, and that "he was absolutely born here in the state of Hawaii." A Republican even says so. Case closed.
If you're a Botox user you're basically a zombie who's devoid of all emotion, according to new research. Talking to someone who uses Botox is sometimes tough, especially when you try to get a read on their expressions but can't get over the permanent look of shock on their face. But, in a bizarre twist, it goes both ways: The results of a study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science have found that Botox patients can't understand your expressions, either.
Think whatever you want about NBC's Law & Order franchise. I know it has its adherents. But I think it's a gross, stupidly written collection of shows that passes off profound human suffering as casual entertainment. Every time I accidentally stumble onto it, some five-year-old is playing with Legos and describing how he was recently raped, while Ice-T and Richard Belzer make wisecracks in the background. How is this acceptable? It isn't.
On Saturday night's episode of Britain's Got Talent, the audience was treated to the most pleasantly unexpected piece of nostalgia they'd witnessed in awhile when 35-year-old schoolteacher Edward Reid took the stage to perform a dramatic medley of nursery rhymes we all grew to love as kids. If this doesn't make you smile, then nothing will.
Do you have Game of Thrones fever? You aren't alone. We're just two episodes into HBO's new fantasy series, and its intricate tale of dwarves, direwolves, and doggy-styling has already earned it a passionate following. In fact, one fan feels so strongly about it, he's currently sitting in jail.
If you've kept tabs on the Report for the past six weeks or so, you'd know that Stephen Colbert gave up Catholicism for Lent. (At one point, he'd even converted to Judaism.) Tonight, though, Colbert—hangover sunglasses and all—admitted that, despite his best efforts to stay away from the Pontiff over Easter weekend, he'd pulled him back in.
The Daily Show returned from hiatus tonight with a segment about the fact that Donald Trump is currently atop the polls ranking potential 2012 Republican presidential candidates. Using archived footage from previous electoral cycles, Jon Stewart quickly—and bitingly—dismissed any notion that pre-primary political polls mean jack shit.
Palin-impregnator Levi Johnston has not been in the news much lately, so it's lucky he's got a big announcement: The father of Sarah Palin's grandchild is writing a tell-all! "Levi is going to talk about everybody," manager Tank Johnson says. Everybody, like everybody in the whole world? (What a long book that would be!) Alas, no, it seems Johnson means the Palin family ("Sarah Palin, and the rest of the family—Bristol too"), and that it will have "good stuff," like "exclusive photos." Time will tell if Johnston can fit book-writing in to his busy schedule: He turns 21 on May 6, and he is, we believe, still running for Mayor of Wasilla. Also, he has a kid. Trint? Trodd? Or whatever? [Radar Online; Us Magazine]
Attention, Florida! Do you recognize the man in the video above? The police would like a word with him, regarding how he peed on the cough drops at the Walgreens in Sanford. And, Florida, while we have your attention:
Ron Paul is going exploring! The Republican congressman will announce the formation of a presidential exploratory committee tomorrow, along with an "Iowa leadership team" composed of "three of the 19 members of the Iowa Republican Party's state central committee," plus Gimli, Legolas and Boromir; the committee will take to the official Ron Paul Blimp, from which they will seek out, aided by millions of eager internet commenters, the mythical Gold Standard, jealously guarded by the tyrant Barack Obama. Paul, a libertarian OB/GYN, will not win the nomination "IRL," as he does not hate Muslims enough, but he will win the Reddit front page. [Slate]
A 23-year-old "human cannonball" was killed on Monday, apparently because "a safety net failed to engage." The daredevil has not been formally identified, but he was working for Scott May's Daredevil Stunt Show, a UK-based touring show that features, alongside the human cannonball, "pyrotechnics, motorbike and monster truck stunts." Given that it advertises itself as having a "100% safety record," one imagines that today's death is the show's first; it's unclear exactly what happened but the complicated stunt apparently requires the cannonball to extract himself from the safety net within seconds of landing. [The Guardian; image of Scott May's Daredevil Show via Stef Robb]
