In a Today Show segment on vanity sizing, More editor Lesley Jane Seymour described the lengths fashion editors must go to protect the fragile egos of celebrities: "When we go to shoots it's all about the ego. If a celebrity says she's a size 8 and we know she's not we cut the sizes out because we know she won't put it on if it says it's a 10."

In your tense Tuesday media column: Keith Olbermann is returning, a new Katie Couric rumor, Jay Rosen ruminates, Michael Kinsely's new job, Anderson Cooper's hot new cable news feud, and a new Village Voice columnist.

The brilliant thespians over at Playbill.com have devised a series of videos where two actors read transcripts from Jersey Shore as if they were written by Oscar Wilde. It's rather amazing how elevated the show is when it's in this context with Wilde's signature style. Just try to tell us whether Snooki or Wilde who said, "I don't eat lobster or anything, because it's alive when you kill it."

The makers of America's Beer, Budweiser, have released an ad about a soldier coming home from one of the various wars and celebrating with his family and friends in a well-lit sexy barn party stocked with Budweiser beer. That's nice. But the soldier's gay, right? The gays are wondering. The spot's two principals are the soldier and a certain guy back home, who's either his brother or a very best friend or his super gay lover. Not like they're fucking or anything.

Is Megan Fox, pouty-faced president of the Marilyn Monroe Society for Unoriginal Starlets, finally letting go of her idol? The New York Daily News notes that Megan's Marilyn tattoo has been looking lighter, lately. At left, Megan at the premiere of Passion Play in September; at right, at an appearance on April 20.

Here's another story of high school gender confusion, this one coming from America's great pulsating phallus, Florida. It seems a Tampa-area teen wore high heels to school, causing an uproar. The uproar? This teen was a boy. In high heels! What is this, Crazy Town?

Remember the hope-filled days of 2008, when the titans of Wall Street came together to pour money into Barack Obama's presidential campaign, because they knew he was going to win? It was truly an inspirational example of the rich setting aside their historic partisan affiliations in order to further their own self-interest.

The most confusing thing about this clip from The 700 Club, wherein Pat Robertson explains that married liberal women have abortions in order to put themselves on "a level playing field" with childless lesbians, is that he seems to think lesbians can't have children. Whatever you do, Pat, do not watch The Kids Are Alright. [via Little Green Footballs]

Here's a trailer for What's Your Number?, a comedy movie starring a woman who has had lots of sex. Pretty scandalous! Will it work? Can anything like this ever work?

Citizens United, the conservative production company behind ACLU: At War With America, the Tea Party Trilogy, and the permanent destruction of the last trace of democracy in America, has put together its latest DVD dealy starring Newt and Callista Gingrich! A City Upon The Hill: The Spirit of American Exceptionalism also features cameos from Andrew Breitbart, Michele Bachmann, and incoming president for life, Donald Trump. It's about how lovely this country is and why liberals don't get that and want to make it more like the evil socialist countries in Yurp. Newt doesn't do full frontal, but there's definitely some nip action. [via Ben Smith]

If you're a lawyer for one of the 170 or so remaining detainees at Guantanamo Bay, you're probably happy that Wikileaks has finally dropped the classified case files for each defendant showing just how spurious, thin, and ludicrous much of the evidence against them is. That sort of information could come in handy for a trial or tribunal. Too bad it's classified, and therefore, according to the Justice Department, can't be used in court unless we say so nanny-nanny-boo-boo.

Last night's episode of Upstairs, Upstairs was all about comic and dramatic misunderstandings, about canards and ruses, trickery and tomfoolery. Typical episode!

Phoebe Snow, known for her '70s hit "Poetry Man," as well as singing many well-known jingles and theme songs and her frequent appearances on Howard Stern, died today from complications from a brain hemorrhage she suffered last year. It's a rough day for female vocalists.

First they take our jobs, now our space! China is planning to launch a 60-ton space station by 2020. Look for the 2016 presidential campaign to feature plenty of fearmongering ads about the Red Menace Above.

According to the CDC, close to a quarter of strains of gonorrhea in America were resistant to penicillin and other commonly used antibiotics in 2009. In 2010, some strains were also resistant to all drugs doctors have to treat the clap. Will a great clap plague kill us all? Here's the New York Daily News' summary of the "catastrophic" possibilities:

Harry Hurt III (pictured, with pal) used to write a column in the New York Times business section called "Executive Pursuits," in which Harry Hurt went off and did something wacky and upscale and wrote about it. It always struck me as a wholly unnecessary exercise in self-absorption, which had nothing to do with business at all, except for the fact that Harry Hurt is a rich guy. Now, he's back—pioneering the use of advertising and product placement in books. Oh. Good.

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the former model turned singer turned French first lady, is pregnant with her second child, according to several French newspapers. The Élysée Palace, which is French for White House, has refused to comment because it's a "personal matter." You know what what means, don't you? The 43-year-old will be popping out the president's son in no time. It will be her second child and Nicolas Sarkozy's fourth, but their first together. It's like Le Bunch du Brady.

Here's how not to make the world a safer place: The tiny Long Island village of Kings Point has installed cameras at every entrance that will automatically run cars that enter through a criminal database.

Dan Snyder, wealthy scoundrel and owner of an awful football team whose name is a racial slur, is able to blow countless hundreds of millions dollars on high-profile free agents who immediately become bad at the sport of football upon cashing Dan Snyder's check. But oddly, he is not wealthy enough to buy one decent PR adviser who could tell him to keep his stupid mouth shut.

The fallout from Nic Cage's night of drunken thrashing continues. Robert Pattinson's fear of clowns is actually quite reasonable. Charlie Sheen has terrible body odor. Some actress bitchslaps Paris Hilton on Twitter. Here's your Tuesday gossip.