What could be better for the body politic than Donald Trump starting his fake presidential campaign all over again? Pretty much anything. But it could happen! No, really, it could — he vaguely alluded to this possibility in today's edition of Monday Mornings with Trump, a weekly segment that still exists on Fox News' illiterate dementia variety hour, Fox & Friends.

Last night's episode of SoCal misery involved, as always, fashion. It involved, as always, drinking in big echoing restaurants. And it involved, like never before!, butt bleeding. Yup.

In your gloomy Monday media column: Troubles at PBS, a National Magazine Award-winning story re-examined, ladies love Nooks, Newsweek staffers are constantly griping (with good reason!), and Reuters gets a new op-ed editor.

Here's an advisory for prospective summer visitors to California: The state must release around 32,000 prisoners under a new Supreme Court decision to help mentally ill inmates. It is one of the largest prisoner releases in U.S. history. Exciting.

The erupting Icelandic volcano Grímsvötn is forcing President Obama to leave Ireland a day early, assuming his plane doesn't get stuck on the curb. This is the second time that Iceland's diva volcanoes have disrupted Obama's European travels.

Penny Johnson was awarded about $9.7 million by a British judge today for a facelift that left her disfigured and causes her constant pain, twitching, and emotional distress. Plastic surgery is a very dangerous business!

Rihanna did her best impression of Madonna at last night's Billboard Awards, nailing Britney Spears right on the kisser after a performance of olfactophilic pain anthem "S&M."

Fox News chief Roger Ailes has been actively trying to recruit New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to run for president, according to New York magazine's Gabriel Sherman. Because that's just what newsmen do. It's in their blood.

No one wants to run for president anymore, can you believe it? Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels decided not to run over the weekend, following the exits of Mike Huckabee, Donald Trump, Haley Barbour, and some other people. This means, according to our news media, that there are only three "serious" — as in, capable of beating Barack Obama — Republican candidates remaining. Let's briefly discuss them so you can make your pick, right here and now!

Dharun Ravi, the Rutgers freshman who is accused of a hate crime and 14 other charges in connection to Tyler Clementi's suicide, plead not guilty in court today.

Time for some new and intriguing demographic information! You people love this shit. You often dream of making over $100K and buying all the latest fancy technology, don't you? Well, stop it. Those people are miserable.

Here's video of Barack Obama's bullet-proof limo getting stuck on the curb outside the U.S. embassy in Dublin, Ireland where he's starting his six-day trip to Europe. Obama was probably in the back going "Gun it! Let's jump this mutha!" (Or, maybe that was just the spare limo.)

It seems that America's sweetheart might not be recording an album after all. Also today: Zach Galifianakis starts shit with January Jones, Wills and Kate swim with sharks, and Leo DiCaprio and Justin Timberlake know all the best ladies.

Joseph Brooks, who won an Oscar for writing the hit "You Light Up My Life," was found dead in his Upper East Side apartment yesterday. He suffocated himself with a plastic bag and left a long, rambling note that stated he would be cleared of the sexual assault charges he was facing.

Michael Steele, the former one-term Republican lieutenant governor of Maryland, has a new job on television! No, not at Fox News. That network has abandoned him ever since his tenure as head of the Republican National Committee only netted their party 63 seats in the House of Representatives last year. Instead, Steele will be picking up his analyst checks at MSNBC, home of the cable news Left.

You can buy anything on eBay, from Princess Beatrice's hat to some teen's virginity—even a piece of the moon. A Southern California woman hocking a purported moon rock on eBay was busted by an undercover sting operation.

This weekend saw the continuing domination of one star and the crowning of a new one. That crown might have been taken from Paul Bettany, who didn't have such a great weekend.

Erica Grow is the newest member of the WTNH Storm Team—"an experienced, respected and dynamic meteorologist." So why do they have her doing a reporter's job? Probably because of her honesty.

This little lady said she went to rehab for an eating disorder, but it was really for heroin. This actor doesn't even know his dates' names and this star is still dealing with his wife's death. Someone make sure he isn't on the smack.

Gawker staff writer Maureen O'Connor appeared on NBC's Today show on May 23, 2011. Check out the clip above. For media requests, please contact Kevin Prince at kevin@gawker.com.