House arrested Lindsay Lohan invited two cameras into her home this week. One filmed her most desperate product endorsement yet, an 18-second, one-sentence endorsement for a penny auction website. The other photographed her in repose for Life & Style magazine. Each image captured LiLo seated beside a different image of herself.

So this, this is what a web video for a presidential campaign with no money looks like: Get out the video camera, Metro over to the Federal Reserve for a couple of exterior shots, Metro back to some closet you rent out as an office, and babble about a Federal Reserve audit that already has plenty of support in Congress with or without a once-in-a-century intellectual force like Newt Gingrich as the driving force behind it.

There are really no excuses for not cashing out on the tech bubble. A guy with grilled cheese sandwich did it. An app nobody uses did it. And now a 15-year-old hacker wunderkind has followed suit.

For the first time ever, an internet company had one billion unique visitors last month. It was Google, of course. A billion people, all searching for their cultural equivalent of "good chocolate chip recipe."

This morning on Fox News' doomsday cult chat show Fox & Friends, the pile of leaves and twigs stuffed inside a man's suit known as Steve Doocy spoke to a mother and son about a crazy deer that got loose in their church. Easy story, right? Wrong!

Al Gore is calling out President Obama for his lack of leadership on the environment, saying the White House has failed to "make the case for bold action on climate change."

Though newsroom budgets in our nation's capital have been slashed again and again, the Washington Post staunchly maintains its editorial commitment to keeping its Hipness Desk fully staffed. The young, hip vibe that has swept the town like a stiff Potomac wind is transforming the sleepy riverside burg into an honest-to-god destination spot—not just for hip homegrown anarchists, but for the hippest demographic of all: New Yorkers.

California crackpot Lou Balducci found the face of Jesus in one of his rotted, unusable rocking chairs earlier this year. Now he's doing what any good, respecting Christian would do to serve God: He's selling it. How much will they fetch?

I don't know if anybody out there reads the editorials of the New York Observer—I never do, and I actually read the New York Observer—but, FYI, they are hilariously bad! A sample from the past few months:

We've all been spending the last few weeks skimming through silly, summer news stories like the president having an illegal war in Libya and the global economy drifting perilously close to a double-dip recession, waiting on edge for real news about Sarah Palin getting back on a bus and driving through more states. When oh when will the Tour de Grift resume for its promised second leg through the Heartland? Perhaps never, sadly.

The 19-year-old suspect in the Lulz Security hacking spree has been been charged with "cybercrimes," including a DDoS attack on the British Serious Organized Crime Agency, according to Sky News—no charges related to hacks in the U.S. were filed.

A 7-year-old kid in Michigan stole his stepfather's Pontiac Sunfire and drove more than 20 miles at speeds above 50 miles an hour. When police finally stopped him, he was wearing his pajamas and crying that he wanted to go visit his father. Aw, it's almost cute!

Bristol Palin's five-bedroom in Maricopa, Arizona—where she was supposed to live while attending Arizona State University, before she changed her mind and signed on to a Hollywood reality show—is now available as a rental. The price is $1400/month. Click on the image above to view full-size. [Realtor, photo of Bristol via Getty]

Here's a trailer for the French film The Sleeping Beauty, a sexual sex movie from sexual sex director Catherine Breillat. It tells the story of a girl put to sleep by witches who then spends a long, long time having wild, wacky, and, yes, sexy dreams.

It is clear that NBC hates God, after the network removed the words "Under God" from the Pledge of Allegiance during its broadcast of the U.S. Open. Can't NBC just be free to hate God like every other freedom-loving corporate person? Indiana Sen. Dan Coats says no! This omission must be explained in excruciating detail to top federal authorities.

Belgian Prime Minister Yves Leterme suffered a DM fail on Twitter, accidentally broadcasting a tweet meant for his mistress to everyone. The tweet apparently is a message about arranging a meeting with his mistress., according to Politico's Ben Smith.

You are a terrible person for reading this nasty story about America's sweetheart. Ashlee Simpson has a new boyfriend. Ryan Dunn drank picklebacks before he died. Steve-O recalls doing blow with LiLo while she was in rehab. Wednesday gossip is a big mistake. Big. Huge.

This newsman recently fired a staff member because they saw him trying to hire a hooker. This power gay actually likes to sleep with women. And this daytime talker has pissed off all her co-hosts. Maybe she can pay for their favors?

You think the owner of that book store doesn't know what you're doing? Oh, they know exactly what you're doing. You say you "love" books? You say you enjoy perusing the soothing aisles of a book store, so lovingly curated by a book store owner who spends his or her life ensuring that the very latest and most interesting book selections are there, presented for you in the most interesting possible way? You like that a lot? Yeah. So you can go home and order that shit online. Fuckers.

During an overnight standoff with police at his hotel, Jason Valdez did what anyone does when they've got time to kill: He updated his Facebook with pictures of his hostage.