Jon Stewart opened tonight's Daily Show with a segment on the downgrading of the U.S. government's credit rating by Standard & Poors on Friday, which led to yet another stock market plunge today. Not surprisingly, Stewart had many targets at which to direct his rage and, as you'll see in the clip above, he took full advantage of the opportunity to do so.

A Phoenix man accidentally blew his dick off in a supermarket parking lot, after he tucked his girlfriend's "pink pistol in the waistband of his pants." According to a stone-faced police officer on the scene in this ABC15 report, the gun then accidentally discharged, sending a bullet directly through his penis and through his left leg.

This weekend brought a dark chapter to the Miss El Paso USA history books, as 21-year-old Lorena Tavera — who, as Miss El Paso USA 2008, was just five heartbeats away from the Miss Texas USA crown — was arrested on Friday for shoplifting a $69 blouse from a Dillard's department store.

Singer-songwriter and frequent American Idol muse Gavin DeGraw is in Bellevue Hospital after being "viciously assaulted by multiple attackers" in NYC late Sunday night, TMZ reports. DeGraw lives in NYC. UPDATE: The Post has more details.

Four separate law enforcement agencies were called to a Maryland Little League game on Tuesday night after as many as 50 parents and league officials got into a violent melee.

Today we heard about plans for a big atheist concert going down on a military base. Weird! How exactly does something like this come about? One commenter knew.

See that screenshot above? That's the nerve center for Operation Shady Rat, the newly notorious cyber attack possibly set up by some government-sponsored Chinese hackers. I just spent the last 30 minutes exploring it and managed not to get cyber-annihilated. No big deal. (Seriously, it wasn't.)

In a case of life imitating art, Felicia "Snoop" Pearson, who played the drugland hitwoman of the same name HBO's The Wire, plead guilty to conspiracy to distribute heroin today to avoid going to trial.

It's sure gotta be rough being stuck in the riots in North London (just ask Gawker alum Ravi Somaiya), but for those of you who want to experience it all very quickly and without bodily injury, here is a handy time-lapse video of the fires burning.

The release date for the second movie has been announced and it is a long time from now. Also today: the end of Desperate Housewives, two Southerners finally get together, and it's goodbye to the gay on Gossip Girl.

Should Mike Moradian get a Harvard MBA? Or should Mike Moradian forever change education with his awesome web startup? Mike Moradian is tortured by this decision, so he has asked the nation to think about what will make the brightest possible future for Mike Moradian and then to get back to Mike Moradian with a recommendation. Don't you already want to help?

Nafissatou Diallo, the hotel maid who says disgraced French politician Dominique Strauss-Kahn raped her, launched a civil lawsuit today.

Kenneth Moreno, the NYPD officer acquitted in May of charges that he raped a drunk woman in her West Village apartment, has been sentenced to a year in prison for "official misconduct." Not for rape, though.

The Schwarzenegger-Shriver divorce just crossed the threshold from "slightly tense" to "blatantly bellicose." (Playfully bellicose?) Arnold went biking in an "I SURVIVED MARIA" t-shirt on Sunday, TMZ reports.

Leaders of the House of Representatives will finally end the chamber's 200-year-old child slavery practice, also known as the page program, due to "advances in technology" that have reduced the chamber's need for young child sex slaves.

Did Fox News host a momentary feminist triumph today? Why, yes, I think it did. Megyn Kelly invited blowhard radio host Mike Gallagher on her show, and played back audio from the time he scoffed, "Megyn's still on maternity leave, isn't she? Boy, what a racket that is." Select excerpts from the verbal pillaging:

To be completely honest with you, the day at the stock market did not go well. The Dow was down 634 points. Which is, we have to tell you, not good. It's actually the sixth largest one-day drop in history.

Have you heard of action star Luke Evans? Maybe not yet, but he's in a bunch of big upcoming action movies. That means its time for his PR team to shove him back in the closet. But that's going to be pretty tough since he's already talked about his boyfriends and love of gay porn.

President Obama addressed the S&P — or as he put it, "some agency" — credit downgrade of U.S. sovereign debt, among other things, during a brief White House speech today. He even promised that America, despite everything, will "always be a AAA country." That's sweet of you to say, Dad.

Reporting live from a helicopter above London's riot-ravaged streets today, a Sky News camera zoomed in on a man in a hooded anorak, who then turned around and broke some news of his own: His butt crack.