Kathy Griffin stopped by the set of Conan this evening and recounted an encounter she had with Michele Bachmann in Washington back in March. After first asking Bachmann if she'd be willing to support a rally to repeal don't ask don't tell, Griffin put the following question to the congresswoman and GOP presidential candidate: "Were you born a bigot or did you just, like, grow into it?" As you'll see in the clip above, Bachmann's response was pretty priceless.

Here's the mobile command center from which Ashton Kutcher will shmooze D-list tech moguls and emasculate sex traffickers between takes of Two and a Half Men, the CBS sitcom he agreed to save after star Charlie Sheen accidentally swallowed a softball-sized crack rock and went crazy. If it seems a bit...much, well, you're obviously a Hollywood outsider. 53-foot-long, 1,100-square-foot "rolling estates" are de rigueur among top-tier television stars. Of course, not all of them are custom outfitted with a Kabbalahcize studio and 24-hour raw food bar, but Kutcher commands that kind of attention to luxury. [Daily Mail, photo via AndersonMobileEstates.com]

The most tragic American image of 2011 will undoubtedly be that of 6-year-old Cooper Stone, looking down from the stands at his father, 39-year-old firefighter Shannon Stone, who had fallen to his death trying to catch his son a baseball at a Texas Rangers game. Now the two will be immortalized in bronze, in a memorial set to be installed next season outside the park's home plate gate. It's meant to be both a remembrance of Stone and a tribute to all of the game's fans — but man, that's going to be one seriously solemn statue. [AP, photo via NGottwald's Flickr]

Michele Bachmann emerged as the GOP presidential frontrunner this past weekend, thanks to her first-place finish in the Iowa straw poll. So how did she pull it off? As Stephen Colbert explained on tonight's Report, it wasn't her charisma—or the Randy Travis concert inside her tent—that gave Bachmann the edge in Ames. But the 6,000 voting tickets she bought and then handed out to supporters may have had something to do with it. Video of Colbert's segment is above.

Lyle Bensley, a 19-year-old from Galveston, Texas, broke into a complete stranger's apartment early Saturday morning wearing only his boxer shorts. He then walked into the resident's bedroom, and began making "growling and hissing noises" while "biting and hitting" her, according to Galveston police.

On Sunday, police in Thibodaux, La.—following up on a tip from someone who thought he saw a human head in the road—found a "a garbage bag of body parts."

Ron Paul came in second in last weekend's Iowa straw poll, finishing less than 200 votes behind Michele Bachmann. Why is the longtime Texas congressman, an early champion of many of the ideas that are so popular with Tea Partiers at the moment, not considered a serious contender for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination? That was the question on Jon Stewart's mind tonight on The Daily Show. A clip of the segment is above.

Elaborate political satire "Rick Perry" (played by Josh Brolin) hasn't executed an innocent man in at least a few months. But he's got his eye on someone: Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke!

Times Square has cleaned up a lot over the last 20 years or so! But there's still no better place on earth to die with drugs in your pocket. Especially if you're the pastor of a huge church in Florida.

One of the summer's weirdest stories—the Australian teenager who had a "collar bomb" strapped to her neck for ten hours, only to learn it was fake—took another weird turn on Monday when the first suspect arrested the case turned up in... Kentucky?

To convince a German court that Samsung's Galaxy Tab is an iPad knockoff, Apple altered a picture to make the Galaxy Tab look more like an iPad knockoff. But it's not like Apple has a long record of photo tampering!

The standoff between Tulsa cops and the crazy guy on top of a communications tower entered its fifth day on Monday, passing the 100-hour mark this afternoon. "This situation is unusual," Officer Leland Ashley tells the Tulsa World.

San Francisco subway system BART thought that cutting off cell phone signals last week would help it avoid trouble with protesters. Instead, it re-inflamed demonstrations and brought in the feds to boot.

Professional designers have finally had it with the Huffington Post always asking for free shit all the time. You're a publicly traded company now, HuffPo. You can design your own damned logo for politics coverage.

Shep Smith on Fox News this afternoon: "Bratton reportedly says he'd want to be London's cop top. [Pause] Top cock. [Sound of something slamming on desk] Top cop." Don't sweat it, Shep. Sometimes you just get blowjobs on the brain. [YouTube]

Glamorous Conde Nast magazine Glamour had a round of layoffs in 2009 and a momentary environmental hypocrisy scandal last year, but otherwise has been blessedly free of gossipy leaks. Until now!

Karl Rove, whose job for the past couple of years has been to raise tens of millions of dollars to elect extreme Republican candidates to federal office, is starting to fear that the Republican presidential field is becoming too extreme.

News Corp has allowed that the ongoing UK and US investigations into the News Of The World phone hacking scandal might just hurt its reputation and business interests.

Our long national nightmare is over. TLC has canceled Kate Gosselin reality show Kate Plus 8, though the network "hopes to check in with Kate and the family periodically with specials in the future." (Hopefully no sooner than when the kids start getting married.) Since ex-husband Jon Gosselin now toils in blue collar obscurity, it seems we may finally rid ourselves of the cautionary tale and exponentially multiplying menace that is the Gosselin clan.

Among the myriad things an American diplomat in a nation with a long history of colonialism and racial tension should avoid, characterizing the the locals' skin as "dirty," "dark," and like an unwashed caucasian is among the least advisable. And yet a consulate official in India made the ol' "you look dirty" joke during a visit to a Chennai school last week: